It's not you... it's me.  That really is true in this case.  Today is my last day on Mypositiveedge.com.  My involvement with KLRC and MPE has come to a crossroads.  While I will always love jamming out to the MPE tunes, I must cut this tie in order to further pursue where God is leading me in my career.  Thanks so much for letting me be a part of your afternoons on the air, and a part of your lives through this blog.Fare thee well, good friend - may we meet again! http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=33123 33123 Fri, 30 Mar 2012 10:11:00 +0000 A couple years ago I worked a second job as a server at a restaurant.  There was once this one man who was in town for business and came to eat dinner by himself.  Before he left, he gave me his credit card and told me to use it to pay for the dinner of an older couple celebrating their anniversary a few tables away.  After doing what he told me to, I handed him his receipts as he told me why he did that.  Years and years ago he was sitting in a booth at some bar (yes, apparently there can be nice people in bars) with his wife eating dinner when they were told that their meal had been paid for.  He asked the server who had paid for their meal and the server pointed over to the far corner of the bar and there sat a very big, burly, biker guy in all his leathers and tattoos.  The server said that this man encouraged them to “pay it forward.”  Ever since then, this business man that I was serving has gone from city to city on business trips and everywhere he goes he keeps his eyes open for someone who sticks out to him and he pays it forward.  This man has been doing this for years!  Think of all the people that this has impacted and they could possibly have taken the concept and begun doing the same thing!  All started by someone seemingly least likely to pay it forward. Maybe this gets your mind going about what you could do to pay it forward to someone!!  It all has to start somewhere, right?  Why not with you?  A kind act that you do for someone, giving of yourself for their benefit and encouraging them to go do the same for someone else, could have a ripple effect for years!  Thinking of it like that – a ripple effect – makes me think about there being a lot of world to cover and your one stone-throw act of kindness that plunks into your part of the world can have a lasting growing effect on people all over the world!  Just think of the possibilities!!  They are literally endless!  I encourage you to not put this aside and think “I’ll do something tomorrow.”  Go out of your way today and begin paying it forward!  Need a reason why? 1 John 4:19 – “We love because He first loved us” (NIV).   http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=28963 28963 Fri, 4 Nov 2011 10:37:00 +0000 I read this in another blog (Chatting at the Sky by Emily Freeman) today and just wanted to share it with you and end this post with some thoughts: "Do you ever feel like the goal of your life is simply to prevent yourself from suffering?  It's cold in here - turn up the heat.  My head aches - find the Advil.  Hunger pains - let's make lunch.  The baby cries - rock him good.It isn't wrong to take an Advil or rock the baby.  Of course not.  And htne there are worse things - horrible, unthinkable, true suffering.  I don't want to argue the purpose for suffering or why God allows suffering, but I simply want to say this: learn to suffer well and you can change the world....Consider those you admire, those who live with passion and intention - do they have a sotry of suffering?  It may not be an outward, public brokenness, but I would venture to say that the world changers are well acquainted with grief.  A seed must fall deep into the ground, breaking in the darkness of the damp earth before it can spring up and burst forth with life, full and new.  And so the suffering of this broken life does not in itself bring about change, rather it is how the suffering is handled in the hands of the broken.  Would you dare to rejoice in the suffering?  Is it even possible? 'We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.' Romans 5:3-5"   I suffer kicking and screaming.  I cling with all my might to my sorrow.  I do not easily lay it at the feet of Jesus.  But that is when true healing comes and the beginning of goodness and beauty can come out of it – when I release my pain to Him, He replaces my heavy burden with His yoke which He promises to be easy, manageable and light, and we carry it together – He and I.  It takes time to truly cast all your cares on Him and often you may have to say over and over again, “Lord, take this burden of sorrow from me, I give it to you.”  But over time healing comes, and somehow, someway beauty shines through.  I’m clinging to this hope.  I’m clinging with all that I’ve got because right now I do not see any beauty in my suffering, not anything that makes it better yet. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=28474 28474 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 12:27:00 +0000 I find it very difficult to pray for people who don’t like me.  Today while skimming through facebook, looking at old friend’s profiles to catch up on their lives, I realized that some people I used to have as facebook friends not only are no longer on my friends list, but I have been blocked from even finding their profile and re-attempting that friendship again.  Now, their reasons and motives will probably never be made known to me, but this was not only confusing but also hurtful.  In this day and age, facebook may not necessarily be an accurate observation of who your real friends are, but it can definitely be a slap in the face to show who are not your friends.  The thought that came to my head was this, “Pray for them.”  The second thought that came to my head was “Uh-UH!”  But as He usually does, the Lord kept tugging at my heart to pray for them and putting this Scripture in my mind: Matthew 5:46-47  “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”  This is in the context of Jesus talking about how we are to pray for our enemies.  The people who blatantly proclaim their unexplainable dislike for me are not the easiest people to pray for, and yet God calls me, as His follower, to pray for them.  And so, putting my own instincts aside, I am learning (note – learning, not have learned) I am learning what it means to die to myself and surrender to Christ’s will for my life. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=27968 27968 Mon, 10 Oct 2011 15:57:00 +0000 My husband and I were so excited to find out that we were pregnant with our first child.  This week would’ve marked 3 months along – first trimester down.  However last week our greatest fear became a reality. I went to my doctor’s appointment last week as a regular checkup and I honestly couldn’t wait to see my baby and hear that little heartbeat again.  Sitting in the office watching the ultrasound screen I could tell something was wrong immediately.  All the books and websites I read said that at 11 weeks my baby would be jumping around like crazy, and yet there was no movement at all.  My doctor told me that what he was supposed to be seeing, which was the heart beating, was not seen.  He turned on the audio and let me tell you, that white noise with no beat to break it up was the worst sound I have ever heard.  What happened was that my baby simply stopped developing at a certain point because of a chromosomal abnormality – there was nothing I could’ve done, or did wrong. Although I can easily say that a miscarriage has been my greatest fear, I had absolutely no idea how incredibly painful in all aspects that it truly is. Though well-intentioned, people often have said painful things when they have found out – things like “at least it happened early” or “at least you can get pregnant.” We lost our baby – my baby whose heart was knit together with mine from the very beginning, and I feel as though my heart has stopped beating as well. When someone is hurting, trust me, I would so much rather give them a Bible verse and tell them that I am praying for them.  I would rather say that than be able to say “I know – I know your pain.” Romans 5:1-4 says, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, thorugh whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our suffereings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (NIV). I'm comforted with the peace of God, but I am far from glorying in this suffering because today I would rather have my baby than have perseverance. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=27462 27462 Thu, 29 Sep 2011 11:58:00 +0000 So my husband and I are expecting our first child! We're 10 weeks along this week and it's been fascinating all these weeks to read about what all is going on with our little one!  Like this week, for instance, it's developing toenails and hair, it's organs are rapidly maturing, and it can already move it's arm and leg joints.  Learning about this little life growing inside of me has put a freshness to Psalm 139:13, "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb" (NIV).  While this is an incredible picture of the intimate details that God is putting together for this little one's physical body, I can't help but think that He is using the same intimate caution and creativity for their spiritual being as well.  Knowing this detailed dedication that God takes to His creation reminds me that He used the same intimate dedication when He created me, and there's no way He would ever want to let that go to waste.  So, even in moments when I don't necessarily "feel" God there, I know that He has never stopped loving or caring for me because there is literally no way that He ever could - He loves and cares for each one of us from before we were even a thought in the minds of our parents.  He is the only one who has truly been with us each second of our lives - He will never leave you nor forsake you. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=26814 26814 Wed, 14 Sep 2011 15:51:00 +0000 While listening to a sermon by Richard Ellis, a pastor in Dallas, he stated something that has really had a lasting sting.  He said, “If I really was really really really honest, if Jesus walked out here right now I’m afraid I would introduce Him to you as Mr. Christ – ‘I’d like you to meet Mr. Christ’ – because I don’t know that I know Him well enough to be on a first name basis.”        Let that sink in for a minute.      I would love to tell you that Jesus and I are best buds – we go everywhere together, we do everything together, we’re like one and the same.  Now, the spiritual reality of that is true – Jesus is always with me no matter where I go, therefore He does everything with me no matter what I do, and because His Spirit is in me I am part of His Body.  But what about looking at it relationally – do I always willingly and gladly acknowledge His presence, do I invite Him into every activity I take part in, and am I so close to Him that when people see me they see Him?  Really be honest and ask yourself those questions… I mean REALLY be honest.  True, it is good to know Jesus Christ by what you read in Scripture – that is usually part of the whole introduction.  But what about after that – are you truly developing a relationship with Him, or have you become content with just knowing all you know about Him and calling Him your Savior?  Let me tell you part of the glory of the Gospel – it’s not all about going to Heaven, but rather it’s also about intimately  knowing our Creator, the One who saves us while we are still here on earth.  It is when we know Him, more than just knowing about Him, that everything else in this world is like trash (dog poo, rotten food, spine-tingling disgust, choose whatever analogy you like) to us compared to knowing Him. The Apostle Paul who wrote most of the New Testament books would easily be seen as someone who had such an incredible, deep, intimate relationship with Jesus, and yet in Philippians 3:10-11 he says, “I want to know Christ – yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead” (NIV).  If Paul still has room to say that he wants to know Christ… how much more am I missing out on truly knowing Him so deeply that He becomes everything to me?  Then, you think about what Paul was really asking – to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His suffering… do I really want that?  Can’t I just know Christ without that?  But then, think about it – could that be part of the meaning to take up our cross and follow Him – TRULY knowing Him that deeply…. There is so much to think about here, and I am not done wrestling with this.  I just want to invite you to wrestle with these thoughts as I do – would you introduce your Savior to your friends if He were standing next to you as Jesus or Mr. Christ?  How intimately do you know Him, or even do you want to know Him? http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=25906 25906 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 13:38:00 +0000 Once upon a time…. It was a bad day, a bad day indeed.  Worst day of my life?  No.  But frustrating all around?  Definitely.  In order to help you grasp the full reality of this bad day, let me take you back to this last Friday. On Friday I took my dog, Lucy, to get spayed.  It’s a perfectly normal procedure, and every animal I’ve had has gotten fixed.  While I hate leaving her at the vet, I know that in the long run it’s for the best.  I picked her up that afternoon and was pleased to hear that everything went well and that she was doing great.  I happily took my little Schnoodle (that’s not a nickname, it’s actually the kind of dog she is – Schnauzer/Poodle) home and watched her carefully to make sure she was adjusting okay and leaving her stitches alone.  That night she managed to remove one of her two stitches so I put a couple band-aids over it so she couldn’t get to her other stitch.  Somehow over night she managed to not only remove the band-aids but also remove her other stitch!  Since I had to work at my second job on Saturday, my husband took her to the vet.  This time, instead of stitches, they used staples to help keep her incision cut closed so it could heal.  The vet couldn’t believe it when my husband brought her back within an hour because she had taken the staples out, too!!!  It took three grown men to hold this puppy down simply to give her a local anesthetic to knock her out for a few minutes while they put three more stitches in and a cone around her head, also supplying my husband with pain pills for her as he left.  I watched her every move and held her nearly every minute after I got home from work.  I set her down for 15 minutes so I could eat dinner – 15 minutes!!!!!!! – and that little stinker somehow maneuvered around the cone and pulled her stitches – all three of them!! – out again!!!!!!  Notice the exclamations marks!!!!  That’s how stinking frustrated I was!!  Not at her because I know she’s just in pain and doesn’t understand that she needs to leave it alone, but just frustrated at the situation.  I called the emergency vet on-call for the weekend and he met me up at the clinic, put 5 staples in, and added a muzzle to go along with her cone-attire.  I really do hate having to keep these things on her because I know she is uncomfortable, but at this point she kind of deserves it!  I woke up every hour that night to check on her and make sure she was okay and not wriggling out of her muzzle (since it was fairly loose – not the perfect size for her, but the best they had).  She managed to make it through the night, all day Sunday, and even through last night just fine.  That brings us to today, and by now you can probably tell where this is going, but I will caution you that there are some unsuspected surprises yet to be told that add to this bad day. The morning routine went smoothly – I woke up and gave Lucy her pain pill, fed her, gave her some water, and watched her outside in case she had to relieve herself.  Before leaving for work I put her muzzle and cone back on and hoped that she could last for a few hours until my husband could go home over lunch to check on her.  Well this morning I got this feeling that I just needed to go check on her, and thank God for that!  I went home to find that she had wriggled out of her muzzle and had already removed one of her staples!!  That poor baby was just causing herself more pain than necessary, and because she was in so much pain she ended up peeing on me when I picked her up!  I brought her outside to pee if she had anymore left in her and my other dog, Riley, came out to relieve himself as well.  Lucy apparently had already let it all out on me so I brought her back in, I put three band-aids over the other staples, wrapped a bandage around her whole body for extra precaution, and replaced the muzzle in hopes that it would stay on this time.  I cleaned myself up, changed clothes and went to go let my other dog back in the house. Let me stop for a second to tell you about Riley.  This full-bred almost-too-big-to-be-called-miniature Schnauzer (or “schnausage” as my husband likes to say) gets jealous for attention very easily.  If I’m sitting on the couch petting Lucy, Riley will march right up and forcefully nudge his head between Lucy and my hand.  If I don’t pet him enough to his full satisfaction, he’ll lay on the other side of the couch and, not turning his head but just using his big pouty eyes, stare back at me for about 10 minutes before sighing and laying his head down.  After that, the usually attentive and obedient Riley will completely ignore my calling to him until I go to where he’s at and cuddle with him for awhile.  A bit demanding, don’t you think? Back to the story.  On any given day I can open the back door, call “Riley” and he’ll come running.  So, I opened the back door, called “Riley” but he didn’t come.  I called again, made a kissing sound a few times, but still nothing.  After double checking the house to make sure he had not come back inside without my remembering, I walked out in the backyard to try and find him.  Sure enough, this little booger had somehow squeezed under the shed and could not get out.  On any other day I would’ve thought he was just being adventurous, but not today.  Nope.  Today I know he did this for attention.  Riley knows from experience that he will inevitably get stuck if he sneaks underneath the shed, and that has kept him away from it since previous unpleasant experiences.  But it is as if he was jealous that Lucy was getting all the attention so he decided to pout under the shed, forcing me to have to crawl down and maneuver him out amidst all the dirt and bugs!  After change of clothes number two, I headed back to work. Not to sound like I'm complaining or anything, but let's just say that my work computer has got to be the most frustrating and tempermental device I have ever used!  By the time you're reading this, just know that it was quite a struggle to post!!!  Any small thank you will suffice. Now, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit to label this whole day as bad.  Maybe “inconvenient” would be a better word.  While I would very willingly change these events if I had the control to do so, I remind myself of this: sometimes our inconveniences are God’s divine delays.  What if those time consuming stalls in the fluency of my day saved me from getting back out on the road to head back to work at a time that could’ve made things much more inconvenient, or even fatal?  Who’s to tell?  The “what-ifs” could go on, and I’ll probably never know the reasons why these frustrating instances occurred, but I do know this – God’s ways and His thoughts are higher, and therefore different than mine (Isaiah 55:9).  So, rather than letting myself get all bent out of shape because things have not gone the way I would like them to go, I’ll remind myself of these truths and release my desire for control into the hands of the all-knowing Creator God who allows nothing to happen in vain. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=25305 25305 Mon, 25 Jul 2011 14:30:00 +0000 I was reminded recently of the fact that God is always with us.  It’s not that I really forgot that God is ever present with me, it’s just that I didn’t always have it on my mind.  When you think about it, that can be very comforting, but it can also be a bit terrifying.  God is always with you, so you are never alone.  God is always with you, so you can never hide anything from Him. I first want to talk about the comforting side of the fact that God never leaves us.  When you read passages in the Old Testament, you see how God literally talk to/with key characters and how His presence was made known to them in tangible ways.  Often times I’ve wished that God could be present with me in that way, however we have something even better!!!  To OT characters, God’s presence was made known to them by an audible voice or a tangible sign, but what about those moments when they had neither?  They did not have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of them, which could make things pretty lonely and questionable at times when they did not see or experience the presence of the Lord.  But as followers of Christ we do have the Spirit dwelling within us as 1 Corinthians 6:19 tells us, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own” (NIV).  There is never one single moment that God could not be with you because through the Holy Spirit He lives inside of you.  No matter how alone you may feel at dry desert times where it seems like you’ve been left asking, “God, are you still there?” He is always with you!  No matter what your circumstances look like, or no matter what you’ve done, He has never, nor will He ever leave you.  Take comfort in the fact that you are always in the presence of the living God who loves you deeply. Now, because you are always in the presence of the living God who loves you deeply, that means you can never ever do anything that God is not in you as you do it.  John 14:16-17 says, “And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever – the Spirit of truth.  The world cannot accept Him, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him.  But you know Him, for He lives with you and will be in you” (NIV).  If the Holy Spirit is in you, that means that you can’t leave Him in the car when you go to some major party.  You can’t leave Him in the hall when you decide to go in the bedroom with anyone you’re not married to.  You can’t put Him in your locker when you go to take a test at school.  The list could go on, but I think you catch my drift.  I am not trying to turn this into condemnation to the things you do or may be struggling with.  I’m simply reminding you that the Spirit of God is in you and what you allow your body to participate in, the Spirit is part of the package.  A little terrifying with you think about it, but it’s true.  Kind of makes you think twice about some things, huh? God is always with you.  That can be comforting and terrifying, but it is fact.  And while I am grateful beyond even what I can comprehend that the Spirit is always in me, I also long for the day where I can be with my Creator God Lord and Savior Jesus Christ fully.  Until then, I keep in mind and take hope in Jesus’ last words before ascending into Heaven found in Matthew 28:20b, “And I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (NIV). http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=24803 24803 Wed, 6 Jul 2011 13:21:00 +0000 I’m kind of just tired of waiting – waiting for God to come through and provide a job for my husband and to let life ease up a little bit on us.  I’m tired of getting my hopes up and having them be dashed because of another rejection letter or no call-back.  I’m tired or working ‘round the clock at three different jobs just to make ends meet.  I’m just tired. This has led me to the attitude of giving up in a sense.  Not so much giving up on God but just giving up on hoping that something good will come along soon.  It’s like I’ve just put my hand up and said, “Whatever, God, I don’t even care anymore.  Just…. whatev.”  While it is good to relinquish a sense of control, there are two very different attitudes that could come with this act.  My attitude (not good!) of closing myself off from hope and just giving up, becoming angry and bitter because things haven’t been turning out the way I was hoping beyond hope that they would.  There is also another, much more spiritually healthy approach – giving up the sense of control you have to God, releasing your plans and dreams, while maintaining hope in a GOOD and FAITHFUL God to come through for you. I wish I could do everything perfectly and have the perfect attitude about everything the first time it happens – but then life wouldn’t be a journey and God would not have any of His best work to do of character transformation in me.  And so, while I struggle to do so, I am working on turning my hand from facing towards God with a “talk to the hand” kind of attitude into a palms-up receptive “Your will be done, and I am okay with it” sort of attitude. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight” (NIV).  Submitting to God does not mean that you can’t let your opinions be heard, but it means that while you may pray fervently about the desires that you have, you remain open, willing and obedient to what God has in mind, even if it’s different. I’m telling you – I am NOT there yet!!  I feel like I’m saying these words and trying to drag my heart along so that it can match up with these things, so while I’m arguing with my pity-party-heart, I encourage you to re-evaluate your attitude towards God – is it one of a bitter-“whatev” or submission to His will? http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=24243 24243 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 12:57:00 +0000 I'm an anxious person.  I feel like I'm always looking ahead and anxiously awaiting what's to come.  Often times I seem to bypass living in the moment and focus more on what's in the future.  Do you ever feel like if you were just at some point in the future, then you'd be content?  Paul said in Philippians 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (NIV).  I wish I would have already mastered the art of contentment despite the circumstances, but I am far from it because it feels like I'm never content on the journey.  I may know to some degree where I'm headed, but getting there seems to be the unavoidable obstacle.  Looking forward, the time between the present and where I want to be may look circumstancially difficult - it could involve the need for great faith, a long stretch of spiritual struggle, loneliness, need, and hardship.  However, if I change my perspective to how God sees it, I may be more apt to embrace the present journey rather than focus on what's to come.  God isn't always focused on where He wants you to end up as much as He's focused on who you are becoming and who He's molding you to be on the way there.  For Him, it's not our circumstances that He's focused on changing, it's our heart, and that only happens on the journey.  Yes, today may be a difficult day and you might be tempted to bypass what you could learn in the moment in order to focus on the future, but I encourage you to embrace this present time becaue God is using it to change you and bring you in deeper relationship with Him. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=23813 23813 Fri, 3 Jun 2011 12:15:00 +0000 I know a lady who thinks that every time a major storm hits anywhere remotely close to her or someone she knows that the world is coming to an end.  Literally – “Get right with Jesus!!  He’s coming back now!!  It’s the end of the world!!”  Here’s the truth: Yes, Jesus is coming back and someday this world will end, but no one knows the day or the hour.  Rather than focusing on figuring out what cannot be figured out, why not focus on why we’re here on this earth in the first place – to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  When we embrace this purpose, other lives are affected because we can’t help but shine all the brighter as the light in this dark world that Jesus intended us to be.  We glorify God when we do things less from ourselves, our own strength and ambition, and more from Him, His strength and His leading.  The world is full of hardship, destruction and devastating events, but rather than throwing our hands up and saying, “Okay, that’s it, the world is going to end so I guess my work here is done,” accept the fact that your work on earth isn’t done until you’re gone so utilize every second you have to glorify your living Savior!  Philippians 3:18-21 says, “For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.  Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame.  Their mind is set on earthly things.  But our citizenship is in heaven.  And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body” (NIV).  I am so excited to someday be with Jesus!!  But rather than sit around waiting for what is to come, I need to use every second that He has me here on earth to grow His Kingdom and glorify Him, spreading the hope that I have in knowing that while this world is full of devastating circumstances, this is not my home.  We are only here for a time – may we use our time wisely before Jesus comes for us or calls us home. “No guilt in life, no fear in deathThis is the power of Christ in meFrom life’s first cry to final breathJesus commands my destinyNo power of hell, no scheme of manCould ever pluck me from His hand‘Til He returns or calls me homeHere in the power of Christ I stand”~Stuart Townend & Keith Getty http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=23553 23553 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:24:00 +0000 When I look towards the future, I can dream about so many different things I’d like to do in my life.  I have a great desire in my heart to go overseas to Africa or India and work at an orphanage or do some sort of other missionary work there fighting against human trafficking and actually make a difference.  I’d like to further develop relationships between KLRC and non-profits/ministries in the area in order to help connect them with people willing to make a difference in their own communities.  I want to be so influential wherever I go so that when God places me somewhere – anywhere – I leave a dent on that part of the world, whether it be here in the small town of Siloam Springs, AR, or in a completely different place.  I want to be a mom, a really great mom, and raise my kids to be world changers.  I want to be a great wife, like the Proverbs 31 woman, and multitask like a professional, keep a good clean house, and make healthy choices for my family.  I want my husband to be firmly planted in a career of firefighting and EMT work, eventually becoming a paramedic helping people in their worst crises.  I want to be that lady that people just automatically associate with loving the Lord because it seeps through my pores and is evident in every single thing that I do.  Out of all of life, those are the raw desires of my heart. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 16:9, “In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” (NIV).  All of these things that my heart desires are GOOD things, but what matters most, even more than accomplishing these great plans, is that I continue to follow the Lord’s leading no matter where He has me to go.  Maybe someday some or all of these desires will become realities for me, and maybe God has even greater plans.  The fact is, I can make a lot of great plans for my life, but above all else I must be sensitive to the Lord’s leading so that the difference that is made is by His work in me and through me for His Kingdom and not out of my own strength.  That way He gets the glory in all things and I can never ever say, “Look what I did” – that would be absolutely miniscule to what He can do through me. However, usually the Lord’s preparation for great work involves times of struggle and hardship, because how will we ever depend on Him to do great things when we never learned to depend on Him in small things.  A pastor from Dallas, TX, Richard Ellis said this, “Sometimes the way God gets us to where He wants us to go is never the way we would’ve gone.”  Trust me, I would never willingly volunteer to walk through fire or be broken only to be reshaped, remolded, and rebuilt.  But often it seems like God takes us through fire so that we may be refined as gold must be melted to separate from impurities before it can be used for something beautiful.  The hope is found in this truth: God ALWAYS makes beauty from ashes.  And so, while I feel as though I have been in a fire for quite some time, I can trust that it is all part of God’s preparation for the great plans He has for me.  And maybe those have something to do with the plans I have in my heart, but if it does not then I know that He is preparing me for something greater than even that.  We serve a great God.  We serve a God who establishes our steps towards great things.  And though He may bring us through times of trial and tribulation, there is purpose in that because it is all part of His preparation to get us to where He wants us to go.  May the strongest desire of your heart, above all things, be following the Lord wherever He may lead. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=23313 23313 Wed, 18 May 2011 12:26:00 +0000 “Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father, there is no shadow of turning with Thee; Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not.  As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.  Great is Thy faithfulness!  Great is Thy faithfulness!  Morning by morning new mercies I see; all I have needed Thy hand hath provided – Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.” That seems to be the story of my life, and the hope I am clinging to.  The Lord is faithful.  Today I have no other words than to remind myself of that promise and continue to hope that things will get better. This is one of my all time favorite hymns.  It was written by Thomas Obadiah Chisholm, and surprisingly not during some traumatic circumstances but rather just in the midst of everyday life.  He wrote this in a letter dated 1941, “My income has not been large at any time due to impaired health in the earlier years which has followed me until now, although I must not fail to record the unfailing faithfulness of a covenant-keeping God, for which I am filled with astonishing gratefulness.”  This is encouraging to me because it is not during a specific horrible circumstance or a traumatic happening in his life that Thomas wrote these words, but it is just a reminder that in everyday life, God is faithful.  That is what I am looking for from the Lord is to be faithful today, to carry me through morning by morning, and provide all I need.  Great is His faithfulness. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=23081 23081 Wed, 11 May 2011 13:24:00 +0000 I can easily and voluntarily be categorized as a worry-wart.  If my circumstances take an unfortunate turn I can guarantee you that I will be freaking out about it.  It’s very easy to have faith for someone else facing trials – “God will take care of you, don’t worry because He loves you so much that He won’t give you more than you can bare, etc. etc.”  When it comes to actually believing those things for myself, it’s like I have to re-believe it every time difficulties come my way, and the re-believing process usually takes awhile.  My husband and I have been walking through some personal hell lately and the worry-part of me (about 95%) has been taking its toll on me mentally, physically and spiritually.  Through these times it has taken quite some effort to have faith in God to come through for us with what we need.  Then this past weekend I was reminded what TRULY matters in the grand scheme of eternity, and it’s not all about God coming through for me in the ways I think He should.  What truly matters is that while I am here on this earth, which is not my home, my life glorifies my living God.  Period.  Guess what – that doesn’t always mean that I’m going to have everything I want when it comes to the American dream of comfort and financial stability.  In fact, if you look through all of Scripture, it is when people struggled that God was glorified through those situations.  They were taken care of, yes, but they struggled.  If you read biographies of people who truly made a difference in the world for the glory of God, their lives are marked by trials and tribulations.  So it comes down to this – what matters most to ME: Comfort and stability, or glorifying God?  Sometimes, yes, sometimes those two things might go together, but more often than not they are two very separate things.  So when hardship comes and I worry about our circumstances it is because my focus is on comfort and stability.  When my circumstances take a turn for the worst and my focus is on God alone and His purpose for my life, I find unexplainable joy because of the opportunity that has been presented for me to glorify my God all the more.  I’m not saying that you should seek out troubles in your life and only always live in hardship.  What I’m saying is that your focus should remain on the Lord and His Kingdom so that when trials do come, and they will, you will not be shaken but rather your life will become more characteristic of glorifying the Lord in all circumstances. Matthew 6:32-33, “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (NIV). http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=22714 22714 Thu, 28 Apr 2011 11:16:00 +0000 It’s very easy to question if God is even listening sometimes.  Everything can seem to be working out perfectly – perfect timing of how things happen, things work out in unexplainable ways – everything seems to be pointing you in the direction of this one open door opportunity.  And right as your foot begins stepping through that door, it slams shut.  It leaves you questioning what in the world was the purpose of going through all of that for nothing?  And if that PERFECT plan isn’t THE plan, then WHAT is?!  It’s times like this when we think that everything just seems to be so perfect that this couldn’t NOT be what God wants, so we get a few steps ahead and begin making our own plans.  The thing is God is still going in the direction He always was, it’s us who got off track.  When our plans don’t work it, it is extremely disappointing, especially when you’ve put all your eggs in this one basket and anything else is just not an option.  When your basket drops all your eggs and there’s no other foreseeable option out there, this is when we become fully reliant on the Lord once again because now we’re totally in the dark and we must allow Him to lead us into light of what He’s been working on this whole time.  This is so hard!!!!!  To be honest with you, I’d rather God run things by me first so that I can know what’s ahead because when things don’t work out the way I thought they should it makes me wonder if God got the memo that this is what we’re doing.  I am a very defiant and stubborn child – always have been.  So now in my adult life, I still struggle with throwing a little fit when things don’t go my way.  I know God’s plan is always better than mine, but when mine seems especially perfect it’s hard to imagine that God could have something even better than perfect.  And that is where faith comes in – Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (NIV). I can’t see God working, I can’t see God actively preparing us for something great that He’s had planned all along, but I hope for that.  Therefore, I have confidence in this hope and assurance that He is working when I can’t see.  I have faith.  True, faith does not equal fun, but faith all the same, because I have nothing else. Ephesians 3:20-21, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen” (NIV). http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=22278 22278 Thu, 14 Apr 2011 10:34:00 +0000 Ever feel like you’ve been in a “Winter season” in your life for way too long?  Since my husband, Shawn and I got married almost 2 years ago, it feels like we have been in a very cold and destructive Winter.  Sure, there’s been good moments here and there, but from the moment we got home from our honeymoon our life together can be described as stressful, difficult, and extremely laborious.  There’s been multiple job losses and job gains, many dinners called “whatchagot” where we threw whatever we had in a skillet (mainly consisting of ramen noodles and maybe some vegetables), and I lost count long long ago of how many months we’ve had where we wonder if we’re going to be able to make it financially and pay all our bills.  Put a brand new marriage in the mix of all that where two different people are set in their ways of handling things two very different ways and it’s just the icing on top of this mess of a cake.  Somehow in the midst of all of this, our faith has grown, we have grown individually, and our relationship has grown immensely because rather than allowing our circumstances to tear us apart we have both been determined to work things out and grow closer together.  I thank God for His blessings through the past 2 years, and I am grateful to have been in a position to know what it means to fully rely on Him as our source for everything that we need.  But I am ready to enter a new season where there is a little bit more stability in jobs/careers, where every last penny does not necessarily have to be spent on bills, and where an unexpected expense does not knock the air out of us for weeks.  I am grateful for a God who He Himself does not change but who has appointed a time for everything.  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds us, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace” (NIV).  And so while I wait for this Winter of our lives to end and for Spring to come, I take hope in these words, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet their heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much  more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  … But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these thing will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34, NIV). http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=21935 21935 Mon, 4 Apr 2011 11:26:00 +0000 It's been a very rough last couple of weeks.  My husband came back from being away for 8 weeks and I'm so incredibly thankful that he's home!  I just thought it would be more blissful, but life had a different idea.  Starting with car trouble on the drive back from Camden, AR, we had to pull over at least once an hour to replenish some fluids and let the engine cool down so it would quit smoking.  But thank the Lord, we made it home safely.  The next morning we were excited to get our taxes done because we already had a list of things we would do with the money we get back from taxes.  For some reason I still cannot comprehend, we owe over $500 in taxes.  We barely make it as it is, scraping every last penny.  How in the world can we afford to pay in taxes when we can't even afford groceries or gas to put in the car?  Immediately Shawn and I became literally sick, but we have no other choice than to trust that God will provide as He always has.  It's still really frustrating, though, having thought this whole time that because I'm having the most amount taken out in taxes of each paycheck there's no way I could still owe - apparently working only part-time at a couple jobs plays a role. Sunday we were both sick and stressed. When I got home from work on Monday afternoon, my dog, Miley, had thrown up a couple times.  This was not something way out of the ordinary since every now and then either of our dogs might get an upset stomach and let it go.  However, throughout the afternoon and into the evening she became more and more lethargic and could not even hold down water.  That night she began discharging blood and her breathing sounded painful.  We called the emergency vet to see what we should do and they told us to just keep giving her little bits of water.  I stayed up with her through the night and we brought her into the vet first thing in the morning.  The vet told us that her temperature was 10 degrees below normal and that she was extremely dehydrated.  He took her and put her on a heating pad and hooked up some IV's.  Unfortunately he could not run another blood test to check on her liver, kidneys or pancreas because her blood was too thick.  My baby was in critical condition and it was not looking good.  i got to go visit her again between jobs, and Shawn went to see her a couple more times before the vet closed.  First thing Wednesday morning we were on our way to the vet to see our little girl when he called and told us that she did not make it through the night. What do you do when your entire heart has been shattered and there's no reason that you can find as to why it had to happen?  To be honest with you, my prayers have taken a total turn around - rather than thanking God for the blessings that I do have, all I can do is ask Him WHY?!?!  And then I have to deal with the silence that follows.  Every time I come home from work or running an errand, all I want to do is go to our backyard, dig up the little grave and have my baby be okay.  One of my favorite worship songs is Blessed Be the Name and in the bridge it says, "You give and take away."  How can you continue to bless the name of God when there is no explanation for why He had to take something so dear to your heart away forever?  Please don't think that I'm questioning my faith or falling back in my relationship with God.  I've just hit a point in life where I don't even have the energy to offer up the broken pieces of my heart.  All I can say to Him is, "Come get them," and continue laying paralyzed in pain, hurt, anger, stress, and frustration.  I am His and I am held in His hands.  I am also broken and awaiting some sort of healing. Psalm 34:18 - "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Though my little girl is gone forever and our family feels every bit of the emptiness she left, I will trust in God's healing and comfort.  Though we can't afford groceries or gas right now and somehow have to come up with over $500 by April 18th, I will trust in God's provision.  Though we found out that Shawn has to go back to Camden for another 5 weeks to get his EMT training, I will trust in God's protection and nearness to me.  God is good.  Though my circumstances are strenuous, I will cling to the hope I have in Him. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=21425 21425 Mon, 21 Mar 2011 10:55:00 +0000 I often feel like an utter failure.  Working three jobs and living alone caring for myself for 8 weeks has been way more than I can handle, and I haven’t handled it very well.  I think I’ve lost my sanity at least 12 times and fallen into a state of self-loathing 3-7 times a week.  Here’s the situation: I ALWAYS have something to do, and no matter how steadily I work on one thing, I am simultaneously getting behind on another thing.  In order to catch up on what I’ve gotten behind on while working on something else, I have to put off other things to catch up, therefore getting behind on other things having to make up for lost time on those things after I catch up on the other thing, and the cycle continues.  All of this getting behind has put me in a position of being a disappointment to other people that this affects.  When I feel like I am disappointing someone else, I feel like I am utterly failing and I don’t handle that well.  I am very much to the core of my being a people pleaser, and therefore it absolutely devastates me to know that I am disappointing someone.  I sometimes very selfishly wish that I didn’t care about what other people think so much, but then again, it’s as if I am wired to do nothing but care what others are thinking, especially about me.  This is a huge struggle for me to find a good balance in pleasing others and knowing my limits because I am more often than not prone to do whatever it takes to accomplish what others expect from me no matter what it costs me – sleep, health, sanity, not to mention any free time for myself whatsoever.  Without getting off into a rabbit trail, I think that because I am a people pleaser, I project expectations for myself onto others, unrealistic expectations, and therefore if I am not fulfilling them, I must be disappointing that person who may never have had those expectations in the first place. All that to show you that I am one messed up person with some serious problems that often cripple me from moving forward and growing as a person.  Here is where my encouragement comes from this week: 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 – “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  Fore when I am weak, then I am strong.” http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=20721 20721 Wed, 2 Mar 2011 12:28:00 +0000 There are some very smelly people in the world.  Some are smelly because of their attitude.  Some are smelly because of their stinky personality.  Some are just plain hold-your-nose smelly.  It's these people that, for me, are really difficult to serve.  It's easy to serve someone who you think of as your equal or even better than yourself, but it's so much harder to serve people that you think of as lesser than you.  This morning I read in My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, "Once we realize that Jesus has served us even to the depths of our meagerness, our selfishness, and our sin, nothing we encounter from others will be able to exhaust our determination to serve others for His sake."  When we have a more accurate depiction of how Christ serves us, even by His death on the cross, despite our stench, we may have much more of a willingness to serve someone else no matter what kind of whiffs you pick up from them. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=20421 20421 Wed, 23 Feb 2011 13:29:00 +0000 5 weeks down, 3 more to go before my husband comes home from the Arkansas Fire Academy.  I'm so anxious for him to come home, not just for his company but also so that he can fix any problem that comes up around the house or with the car, etc. Well, when we had all the snow the first time, obviously I couldn't go anywhere because of the roads and such, but when I finally felt comfortable to drive, I got in my car and it wouldn't start.  Well, when there are issues with my car, all I know to do is pop the hood and check if the engine is still there... if it is, I have no idea what the problem is, that's all Shawn's department as husband and head of the household, not to mention car fixer enthusiast.  Well on this particular morning, my car would not start and I had to figure out some way to get it fixed by the afternoon so I could get to my job.  Two people I work with found out about my situation, came and got my car, got it fixed (needed a new battery), and brought it back to me good as new.  Not only that, they covered all of the cost of it which is a blessing beyond what I can even describe to you. All that to say, it's amazing the way God uses people to provide for your needs, and it is inspirational to see how others reach out to help those in their spiritual family. How has God used someone to provide for you? http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=20139 20139 Wed, 16 Feb 2011 14:47:00 +0000 This has been the worst week in the world.  For a workaholic like myself, sickness doesn’t really take me completely out, but that combined with the inability to go anywhere due to the weather – NOT fun.  Monday I was sick.  Sick, sick, sick.  So I called in to work, but still stopped by to do my on-air shifts (since I just can’t give things up completely).  Tuesday I was still sick but I could at least move so I got up, got dressed, ready to go to work, got in my car and ran the heat/defrost for about 30 minutes, scraped at the ice, even sprayed de-icing spray and nothing.  I could just not get that ice off!  Even my de-icing spray froze ON TOP of the ice on my car!  So I walked back in, huffed and puffed, and sat down to work from home.  Not much I can do when all my computer files I need to work are on the work computer AT WORK.  So I began working on my other job – the job for my dad where I edit audio of sermons to make them sound pristine before he produces them and puts them on a radio station in Dallas.  Well here I am at my computer trying to get through this audio editing, and that turned out to be impossible when I had to blow my nose every 3 seconds.  When editing audio, at least this intricately, you have to be completely focused, able to listen to every tiniest sound and edit out every single bit of static, popping, mouth noises (like clicking the tongue or other random sounds we don’t even know we make with our mouths but that does show up in an advanced audio program).  When I couldn’t even listen to more than a few seconds at a time to the audio, then blow my nose, then go back and try to listen again to make sure I didn’t miss anything….. basically impossible.  So that defines the majority of my week – stranded and crippled to do anything.  So instead, I tried doing all I could – paying bills, doing laundry, doing dishes, stressing out… the usual.  I’m still sick, but getting better, finally made it to work (thanks to a friend for giving me a ride since my car won’t even start now) so I feel like I can actually accomplish something, but I am weary.  This whole week, even though I was basically forced to not do anything, I spent my time stressing out and being mad at myself that I couldn’t do anything!  Rather than getting over the fact that I couldn’t do anything about my current situation, I guess I felt that stressing out was at least doing SOMETHING.  The fact is, it did nothing for me except keep me worn out instead of using this time to recover from a very heavy workload.  I work three jobs – I’m basically never not working, weekends included.  I don’t get any day off, so this week was extremely strange for me and very hard to live through.  When there’s so much to be done and I can do nothing – what an awful feeling.  When it comes to getting me to be still, God’s got His work cut out for Him.  I am so far from perfect, and more often than not I consume myself with the things I have to do.  In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (NIV).  I’m still learning how to do that – finding rest in the Lord on a regular basis.  The whirlwind I live in seems to sweep me away the majority of the time.  And so as I work on this great struggle of finding rest amidst the circumstances of life, I encourage you to join me.  Step away from the craziness of your life and find rest, find recuperation, find peace in Jesus. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=19587 19587 Thu, 3 Feb 2011 11:59:00 +0000 This morning I finished reading the book The Shack by William P. Young.  Interesting read.  I would suggest it if you’re looking for some new reading material.  The gist – this guy goes to a shack where his daughter had been murdered years before because of a note that he got from God to go there.  He ends up meeting God manifested in three different (and interesting) ways symbolizing the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  At the shack he wrestles with many emotions and questions and it changes his life.  Well there’s a major theme from this book that I have taken from it – God’s love for me.  I want to share this with you and maybe it will help you find a better personal understanding of God’s love for you. One of the explanations that the Father (called Papa) gives Mack (the main character) is about how we are created to be loved, but that doesn’t mean we always feel it or acknowledge it.  He gives the example of a bird saying how the bird was created to fly, but it still has the choice of whether or not it is going to fly or limit itself by staying grounded.  Even if it chooses to stay grounded, it will always have the ability to fly.  We were created to be loved by God, and the fact is that we are all loved by Him.  Many choose not to acknowledge that love by limiting themselves and choosing to believe that God doesn’t love them, couldn’t love them, or they may choose not to even think about it.  However, those who truly understand that God loves them can live their lives in that love; in a sense they are flying and being what they were created to be – loved.  If you’re at all like me, you’ve struggled with really understanding that God loves you.  You may be able to sing, “Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so,” but when it comes to truly believing it that’s a different story.  This head knowledge is a great start, but it MUST work its way down to your heart before you are able to truly live in that truth.  A quote from the book: “Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly.”  Whatever it is that keeps you from a full understanding that God loves you, I encourage you to wrestle with that!  It could be pain that is self-induced from sin in your life.  It could be pain caused by someone else to you and you think that if God really loved you He wouldn’t let that situation happen to you.  Or maybe you see the problems and pain in the world and think how a loving God could allow that to continue.  Whatever the cause, it is often our pain that is the obstacle to overcome before we are able to fully embrace the truth that we were created out of and in love from God.  That pain limits us so much to the point that it feels as though our wings are clipped.  We may have been created to fly but our pain keeps us grounded.  In Him there is healing, but you have to let go first before God can heal that pain and show you how to live the way you were created to live – as a deeply and truly loved child of His. Now I want to take you a step further.  God loves you; work on understanding that because it is foundational to our faith in Him.  Another of my favorite quotes from the book: (The character portraying God says this) “You cannot produce trust just like you cannot ‘do’ humility.  It either is, or is not.  Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved.  Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.”  Ever wonder why it’s so hard to trust God in difficult circumstances?  Ever struggle with “giving it all up to God” when difficulties come knocking (or sometimes pounding) at your door?  This quote reached to the depths of my relationship with the Lord and revealed to me why I have such a hard time trusting Him sometimes!  I don’t really fully understand in my heart that God loves ME!!!  He loves the world, sure!  He loves you, I get that.  But ME?  Personally individually me?  Deeply intimately me?  That’s a hard concept to wrap my head, much less my heart around.  And so when struggles come and my trust in God is put into question, rather than staying at that surface issue and working on trusting God, however that would look like, I need to go back to the root issue here and ask God to help me truly understand and believe that He loves ME, and because He loves ME He will take care of anything on my doorstep.  I want to give you a Bible verse that’s just what you need to hear to fix everything and to help you believe that God loves you but I can’t.  You know why?  Because I can’t stop at one.  The Scriptures are FILLED with the love of God and I want you to know that!  Seek the Lord with all your heart and find Him!  Ask Him to show you His love, how He has revealed that love through history, through Scriptural truths, and through your life individually.  God loves you and there’s nothing you can do about it.  He created you to be loved, it’s part of your DNA, and you can’t change that.  So rather than continuing your life limiting yourself to remain grounded, fly and trust that God is right there watching out for you because HE LOVES YOU! http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=18983 18983 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 14:07:29 +0000 This morning I was reading in Galatians 3 during my QT.  It talks about the Law, meaning pretty much everything you’d find in Exodus and Leviticus that gave instructions on ALL types of things – how to wash yourself, what makes you unclean, what you can eat, what you can’t eat, what you can wear, what to do in certain situations, how to make sacrifices, etc.  The Law was the guidelines that people had to follow EXACTLY in order to be saved.  If they broke any of it, they had to make a sacrifice to pay for their sin.  Salvation was basically earned by living a certain way, and even there was no assurance because if you messed up and didn’t realize it God still had to be just because if law was broken, consequences were had.  This is the way that life was lived by those who desired right standing with God.  There were no gray areas, there was black and white, right and wrong.  Those who did right were blessed with stuff like cows, kids and land.  Those who did wrong were cursed, condemned and died, unless they gave an adequate sacrifice – killing something perfect and undeserving in place of themselves.  And then things changed drastically.  Because of one sacrifice, Jesus Christ, salvation can be had without the Law.  This Law that determined one’s fate was suddenly disposed of and replaced with faith in Jesus Christ.  Galatians 3:23-25 says, “Before the coming of this faith, we were held in custody under the law, locked up until the faith that was to come would be revealed.  So the law was our guardian until Christ came that we might be justified by faith.  Now that this faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian” (NIV).  The whole passage (Galatians 3) explains it all, but that is a small clip to show you that because of Christ coming we are not bound to the Law that was given to those before Christ.  And yet, we too often live in the mindset of the Law – I must do this or that, or stop doing this or that in order to receive God’s approval, much less His love.  Do you realize what you’re doing here?  When you live in this mindset, you’re taking the chains that have been broken and can no longer bind you and you’re wrapping yourself up in them!  Because of Christ we are saved by grace through faith that has nothing to do with what we do or have done (Ephesians 2:8-9).  Jesus said that the greatest commandments are to first love God with all your heart, soul mind and strength, and to secondly love your neighbor as yourself.  When you’ve got that down, there’s no room for sin.  True, we still sin, but the fact of the matter is that God loves us despite us and there’s nothing we’ve done or can do to earn it. Maybe you’ve been waiting to fix your relationship with God until you’ve changed the way you live.  I’ve been there done that countless times thinking, “God won’t love me again or forgive me until I’ve proven that I can do better.”  Of course I know in my mind God loves me regardless, but that’s not the way I lived, or still live sometimes.  Maybe you have a hard time letting go of the Law because at least that way you have a mapped out tangible way of living instead of living by faith.  If you still cling to the Law and don’t believe that you can be saved without abiding by the Law as the Israelites did in the Old Testament, you’ve missed the WHOLE Gospel message.  Christ came to bring us life through Him, not any other way.  He ALONE is the Way, the Truth and the Life and you can’t get around that and still get to the Father.  When we have faith in Christ, we grow in relationship with Him.  When we grow in relationship with Him, we find ourselves acting in certain ways that may be similar to certain aspects of the Law, but the Law is not the reason we do those things.  Because of Christ, the Law is no longer our guardian, and the only way we can be saved is through faith. No matter where you’re at or what’s been keeping you from totally being sold out to the fact that faith alone can save you, take a moment and let this sink in.  Believe in Christ, that He came to save you, and because of Him there is nothing you can EVER do to separate yourself from His love that you could never earn in the first place. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=18731 18731 Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:35:10 +0000 Has there ever been something that you’ve prayed about and God answered that prayer with a YES?  What was it? Here’s an answer to one of my prayers that I’m totally stoked about and want to use to glorify God who made it happen!  In October last year my husband lost his job because they found cheaper labor.  We decided that I would pick up a third job and he would work on our house for the time being and then go get all his training for firefighting in January.  He’s been a volunteer firefighter for over 2 ½ years and because of that he can go through the training for free (at the cost of his fire station) and the next training starts in January.  So at the beginning of November Shawn, my husband, talked to the Captain at his station and told him to sign him up for the training!  His Captain kept putting it off and putting it off, thinking that it was fine because the classes never fill up.  Well after much nagging from Shawn the Captain finally got him what we thought was everything that Shawn needed a couple weeks before Christmas.  The week of Christmas Shawn’s Captain happened to remember that Shawn needed to fill out an application (kind of a common sense thing, right?), so frustrated but trying to get everything done quickly and in time, Shawn filled it out and it was faxed in.  We found out the next day that Shawn was 4th on the wait list.  Awesome.  So all this planning, all this work and all this time that has been put in based on the fulfillment of this plan for Shawn to go to training could possibly be for nothing.  I don’t want my husband to only have whatever job he can get for the rest of his life because he was never able to pursue what he really wanted to do.  But now this threw a kink into things.  So Shawn and I prayed hard, planned still for him to go, and trusted God that He knew what He was doing and what was going on even when we had no clue.  This morning while I was getting ready for work, I kept praying that if God had a different plan, that’s fine.  We can totally deal with that and I’m more than fine with that because I know it would be better than our plan.  However, I really want this to happen for Shawn to get into the program so that we can have bragging rights on God to tell our non-believing friends who knew what was going on what God did!!  This would so be a situation to bring Him glory because only He could make it happen and so I prayed that He would while keeping my hands open to His will!!  While praying, Shawn’s phone rang and guess what!!!!!!  He got into the program!!!  Though I’m definitely not looking forward to living through 9 WEEKS without my husband, I’m so excited for him to pursue the training he needs for his dream career!!  Praise God for His faithfulness, for His provision, and for His love and care for His children! What’s your “God-said-yes” story? http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=18496 18496 Wed, 5 Jan 2011 14:23:08 +0000 It’s that time to look towards the future and ask yourself, “Who do I want to be in 2011?”  My resolution is always the same – I want to be a skinny person.  However, since I’ve fallen into the more common statistic of those who don’t fulfill their new year’s resolutions I’m at the same spot again hoping 2011 will be my year! :o)  There was one new year’s resolution that I can think of that I kept for the whole year.  In 2008 I decided to be a vegetarian for the year.  It actually had nothing to do with disliking meat (how could you?) or loving animals too much.  My boyfriend then (now my husband) had a vegetarian family due to religious reasons and so I decided to try out vegetarianism merely so that I could fit in with them and not eat meat.  After becoming anemic in the first few months, I really had to pay attention and keep my concentration on this new way of living.  I got used to a lot of different foods, and actually still enjoy some of them!  I didn’t fit in anymore with Shawn’s family because they still looked at me as the meat-eater devil (okay, maybe not THAT evil) and would single me out saying, “Now you probably have never eaten this before…” which I hadn’t, but it wasn’t as big of a deal to me as it was to them because I was determined to be a vegetarian for a year.  Well, I fulfilled my year and my Pollo Rosa Maria from Carrabbas was DELICIOUS on New Year’s 2009.  All that to say, whatever you put your mind to you can succeed at.  The struggle is keeping your concentration on developing a new way of living.  If you have a goal, that means you haven’t fulfilled it yet, and unless you change something about the way you’re living now you’re never going to achieve that goal.  So who do you want to be in 2011?  A skinny person?  A nicer person?  A more dedicated Christian?  The questions could go on and in all categories, but the only way that you’ll become who you want to be is if you change the way you’re living now.  Remember this, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=18297 18297 Wed, 29 Dec 2010 11:18:34 +0000 What’s the big deal about saying Happy Holidays as opposed to Merry Christmas?  People have made such a stink about the Christmas holiday taking “Christ” out of it when in reality the majority of people have never celebrated Christ for Christmas anyway!  Most people in the world celebrate the Christmas holiday because of the time off, fun decorations, family time, big meals, Christmas goodies and of course presents.  If you look up the history of Christmas, this holiday season was a time spent in drunkenness, mischief, and feasting and had absolutely nothing to do with Christianity.  It was not until the first few hundred or so years after Christ’s death that the Catholic church adopted this celebration time to try and integrate more people into the Christian faith without forcing them to give up their celebrations.  So they therefore slapped on the reason to celebrate Christ’s birth and this reason for celebrating simply spread as did the Christian faith.  Now let me make one thing clear here – it is GOOD to celebrate Christ, His birth, His life, His death, His resurrection, and our awaiting His second coming.  However, I truly believe that those wrapped up in “Christian culture” pour their energies into things that do not matter in the grand scheme of things, such as forcing someone to say “MERRY CHRISTMAS” as opposed to “Happy Holidays.”  If there are businesses that tell their employees that they are not allowed to say “Merry Christmas” then that’s a different story and not what I’m addressing here so let’s not get sidetracked.  What makes me frustrated is when someone simply gives a greeting of “Happy Holidays” and the fuming “Christian” emphasizes MERRY CHRISTMAS like it is the ONLY appropriate way to greet someone in this season and how dare they say anything else.  It’s lovely to celebrate Christ coming to earth, but in reality there should not be just one day or one season where we celebrate that He has come and saved us from our sin and that we can be with Him again someday.  Year ‘round we should be spreading His Kingdom by reaching out to the poor, the orphans, the widows, etc.  It’s the spreading of His Kingdom that Jesus was most concerned to teach about, and so having taken that from everything I’ve read from Scripture, I feel very safe to say that Jesus doesn’t look down at the people who say “Happy Holidays” and think, “How dare they not incorporate my name into their greeting during the time that is celebrated for my birth!”  I am very sure that He looks down at other things and either says, “They’re missing the whole point of what it means to follow me,” or “They get it!  They’re spreading the Kingdom and because of them I have more rooms to build to get ready for them coming to be with me for eternity!” Does this make sense?  Do you understand what my point is here?  To put it in a few words: Don’t get your panties in a wad when someone says Happy Holidays as opposed to Merry Christmas, and please don’t fight to the death on stupid pointless things.  The reason we fight so hard is because when everyone is saying Merry Christmas and acknowledging God, it’s a lot more comfortable and easier to feel good in our lukewarmness rather than when we live in a world where opposing beliefs creep more to the surface and we’re forced to either be hot or cold for Jesus Christ.  (side note – being “hot” does NOT mean picketing and crusading for the words people say to match up with something they don’t even believe).  This season, when someone says “Merry Christmas” smile and say “you too!”  When someone says “Happy Holidays” say “Thanks!”  Let your focus be on spreading the Kingdom of God, this time of year and all year ‘round, and don’t get caught up in the pettiness of Christian culture that acts as a comfy blanket to comfort the spiritually lukewarm Christians making their lifestyle of “Christianity” comfortable by simply going to church and saying “Merry Christmas”. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=17990 17990 Wed, 15 Dec 2010 12:47:46 +0000 Ya know what makes me really mad about Christmas?  People.  People who think that presents are actually a necessity.  Just because “eveyone’s doing it” doesn’t mean that it’s all of a sudden a necessity.  When someone looks at their bank account and it shows that there’s not enough money in there to buy all the Christmas presents they want for their kids or friends, they get on their fairly new laptop that’s just a couple/few years old, post a need for their kids to get gifts because they’re just stretched so thin financially, of course not missing out on posting the exact things their kids want (5 of the newest games for their Xbox and Wii systems, movies to play on their big screen TV, and new clothes for the year, oh and by the way they only wear Hollister, American Eagle and Gap).  Here’s the deal, when you have all the necessities – clothes on your back, food in your stomach, a roof over your head, and heat through the winter – other stuff is extra!  Before going further, I want to clarify something.  I know full well that God blesses people with things even beyond this and I am not by all means judging those whom God has blessed, but if all these things are had and more, and it is made out to be a need for presents to be under the tree that is much more expensive than socks and underwear, there’s a very big misunderstanding in the word “need” here.  If you have a lot of things that have drained your bank account – game systems, computers, cars, nice furniture, nice name-brand clothing – and you have the audacity to put yourself in the same category as people asking for food or warm coats for the winter because they have nothing, how dare you.  Guess what!  There’s a gift FAR better than new games for your Xbox, new clothes from Hollister, a new car, etc.!  It’s the gift of giving.  Try it on for size and you may just like it!  This Christmas, why not sell something that you have that you really don’t need, and use the money you get from it to bless someone else who has a legitimate need?  I know I’m stepping way far out on a limb here, but why does Christmas really have to be about what you get rather than what you give?  You can hide behind the phrase “Jesus is the reason for the season” and sing all the Christmas carols about baby Jesus that you want, but in reality it would be a HUGE disappointment to you to wake up Christmas morning and find nothing under the tree.  Doesn’t that say something about how much Jesus truly takes priority in this holiday to you?  Trust me, I’m not innocent here either!  I love getting presents!!  I’m still working on training my husband to buy me flowers on a more regular basis than every V-day!  But this time of year seems to be when human selfishness runs most rampant!  It’s all about me and the presents I want, and if I don’t get what I want I will be utterly disappointed and unhappy.  Really?  Isn’t there an element to Christianity that involves putting childish ways behind us?  Now, I’m not saying that in order to be a Christian you have to not get any presents.  What I’m encouraging you to do is to examine your heart and make some changes.  Even if you feel like you’re at a good place and you are giving to someone else this year, do more!  You’ll never come to a point where growth is no longer necessary, so keep growing and changing and being molded and shaped by the Lord!   Trust me, it is uncomfortable to step away from the norm.  When your friends ask you what you want for Christmas, you’ll definitely be setting yourself apart by saying nothing, or just one small thing.  But I really want you to step out of your comfort zone.  Give to someone who is in need this year, experience them receiving something from you that is a necessity, and then go back to your letter to Santa and see what it looks like.  I’m not just challenging you in this, I’m also challenging myself.  Join me in changing the way we do Christmas this year, and tell me about how your experience goes. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=17556 17556 Wed, 1 Dec 2010 12:20:41 +0000 This year has been a tough one.  So much has happened, good things and bad.  It's difficult in the midst of hard circumstances to focus on the things we have to be thankful for.  Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus " (NIV).  No matter the situation, the focus must remain on thanksgiving.  And so I give thanks - ... for my husband, Shawn.  Wow, how could I ever give enough thanks for him.  He truly is my soulmate, my supporter, the head of our family, and (give me some crackers for this cheese!) he completes me.  I can never thank him enough for his forgiveness of my shortcomings, his patience for my struggles, and for working hard at fulifilling his end of the deal in marriage (loving me as Christ loves the church).  I could not have made it through all of our life obstacles without the constant love and encouragement from him, and the hard work that he has poured into our family. ... for my parents, brother, and sister-in-law.  They are always an encouragement and a great support.  I am so thankful for the roles they play as encourager and cheerleader.  For my parents specifically for never washing their hands of parenthood but rather continuing to make sacrifices for their kids and love them unconditionally. ... for my animals.  My dogs, Miley and Riley, are always so incredibly bubbling over with love and affection, and that is always an uplift when I've had a rough day.  My cat, Indy (Indiana Jones for long), who has finally left is old snotty-totty-scratchy ways behind him and has finally become an affectionate loving kitty!  He talks to me and carries a great conversation at the beginning and end of each day, and he even plays fetch. ... for friends.  There's way too many people that I could name here, but all of them are such a great encouragement to me and I am so thankful for their love, support, and fun! ... it's very cliche, I know, but best for last, right?  God.  I am thankful for God.  And no words could fully express all the reasons why.  The attributes that I have come to know so well over this difficult year are His provision, faithfulness, comforting Father, stronghold, unwavering, unchanging, loving, kind and gentle God.  HE IS GOOD, and no matter what is going on in my life, I know full well that His goodness remains. My list could continue, and of course I could even always continue to expound on each thing I've already listed, but I'd like to hear from you before I overwhelm you with too much of myself! :O)  What are you thankful for? http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=17361 17361 Wed, 24 Nov 2010 11:34:26 +0000 What an emotional roller coaster it’s been since a week ago!  In my last blog I wrote about how great it is to have a positive attitude in difficult circumstances, trusting in God at all times, having faith and blah blah blah.  The next morning after I wrote that blog, it’s like I woke up and had to fight so hard against a very strong tendency to fall into a depressive state of hating our circumstances.  It’s been like that since, a constant fight!  I’m back to the point where I would gladly take a million dollars and just be done with the growth and intimate moments with the Lord!  I know, that sounds terrible doesn’t it?  Well, you can see my heart is unclean and I am so flawed – Thank you Jesus for your grace and mercy you have bestowed on me!!!  I’m so tired.  I’m tired of working, I’m tired of fighting my tiredness and tendency for depression.  I’m tired of it all and I just want to be done.  Two of my absolute favorite music artists, Tal & Acacia, sing a song called Wake Me.  In the song they say, “It’s like my name is Noah and I find me here again, will you wake me when the boat is done?  Will you show me what you’ve been doin’ all this time?  Used to play in the dark just for fun.  But I wanna see what’s been goin’ on in your mind.”  Quite often over the past few days I’ve been feeling like I just want to go to sleep and when I wake up all my problems will be solved, we’ll be totally past this phase in our lives, and all that we’re working hard for would be a reality and the work would be done.  Do you ever feel like that?  Do you ever just give in to feeling so discontent with the present circumstances that you just want it to all be over and done with?  I want the growth, just not the growing!  A verse that I read the first morning that I was having this difficulty is Isaiah 7:9.  The second half of it says this, “If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all” (NIV).  That verse has stuck with me throughout my personal struggles over these past few days as a reminder to me that I may be tired, exhausted, and discontent but my faith must remain strong in the Lord, because if I lose my faith in Him, I’ve lost everything and I won’t even be able to stand.  Philippians 4:12-13 says, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (NIV).  I hope someday that I can wholeheartedly say that I have learned the secret to being content no matter what, and not just learned it but applied it!  Maybe I have already learned that secret and that is remaining in my faith in the Lord, and I just need to grow in applying that to EVERY aspect of my life!  I take hope in knowing that I can do all of this through Christ who gives me strength! http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=17084 17084 Wed, 17 Nov 2010 10:38:32 +0000 Awhile ago I posted a video from Rob Bell.  In that video, he said that it is in our most difficult of times that we find our most intimate moments with our Heavenly Dad.  I’ve been finding that to be very true.  And these moments I wouldn’t trade for anything.  My current situation in a nutshell: I’m working three jobs to support my husband (who was fired from his previous job for no reason, though we found out later they just wanted cheaper labor) and I and to free him up to be able to go to a firefighting academy and get through all his training in order to further pursue a career he would absolutely love.  I’m definitely feeling the weight and stress of our finances, which despite all my jobs, are very tight.  In previous difficult times, I’ve survived through them hating nearly every minute.  I have no idea why this time is different, other than to think that I’ve just been through this sort of difficulty before and can have more faith that God’s going to bring us through it, but for some reason I have remained positive and have enjoyed each day, each difficult situation, each stress, and each job.  There are moments when I’m tempted to hate my circumstances, but the joy of the Lord has been my strength to help me have enough energy to work all three jobs and also keep up with laundry, dishes, setting up our house, and preparing meals!  I look at all that’s gone on in the past 3 weeks, and am amazed that it’s only been that long!!!  There’s SO many things that have happened, and my schedule has been so jam-packed, yet I’m still waking up every morning and getting out of bed when my alarm goes off.  I’m still wearing a complete outfit, doing my hair and make-up, and staying presentable.  I’m keeping up with normal household chores.  All those things don’t happen when I’m totally exhausted, and so the only reason that I can find for having the energy to keep up with everything is God!  (and coffee).  I could easily look at my situation, get overwhelmed, sigh very heavily, and dread every minute at every different job.  Yet, I look at my situation and thank God that I am blessed!  Would a million dollars fix my problems?  Yes!  But then I would miss out on all of these intimate times I am getting to spend with my Father who renews my spirit daily, embraces me with His love, and keeps my head up through the day so that I can get all my work done.  I thank God that I have all that I do – even all three jobs – because there are MANY more less fortunate than me!  So instead of complaining, I am loving these circumstances because this time of my life will only serve as another GREAT reminder that God provides all that we need! I don’t know what your circumstances are like right now, but I want to encourage you to look at them with thanksgiving!  Count your blessings, even those in disguise!  Enjoy the present, experience intimate moments with the Lord in your difficulties, and know that things will get better someday (I promise!).  But don’t focus so much on things getting better, because you’ll miss the blessings God’s given you today! http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=16858 16858 Wed, 10 Nov 2010 13:53:00 +0000 You know those TV commercials that make something so simple look so hard, and then convince you that if you buy this or that product all your problems are solved?  My favorite one is the commercial for a snuggie, like putting a blanket on yourself is SO difficult if it doesn't cover you from toes to neck!  Yes, I do have a snuggie and I am so proud of it and the zebra striped design of it, however it didn't solve all my problems of blanket-using.  Have you ever known someone who went along with the Christian lifestyle merely because they thought that by getting this "product" all their problems would go away?  How interesting that Jesus used examples such as a tree firmly rooted by a stream of water to describe spirituality.  Two reasons spirituality is explained this way - 1. It's a life or death deal - a tree planted by streams of water firmly rooted lives, a tree in a drought with shallow roots dies.  2.  This tree still faces all of the elements - rain, storms, lightening, dryness - however it lives and grows BECAUSE of these things. Watch this.  I loved it.  Donald Miller:   http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=16441 16441 Wed, 27 Oct 2010 13:55:11 +0000 Well, it happened.  On August 6th I wrote a post in which I told you that my husband’s job was on the line, for nothing having to do with him but rather for other reasons within the company (mainly because of the management and other authority and the lack of integrity in those positions).  Well, my husband was brought into the office and told that he was fired, but yet there was no reason given (obviously, because there was no reason to fire him other than they felt like it).  It’s easy to say “God is faithful, He’s so great” when nothing really wrong is going on.  And yet, even now I tell you – God is faithful!!!  He really is so great!  I look at how He’s been faithful in our lives just within the year and a half of our marriage, and instead of freaking out now, guess what!!  I can see how my faith in Him has grown because I’m more excited to see what He’s going to do than anything!!  He knows what we’re going through!!  None of this took Him by surprise, and we trust in Him!  He can deal with the people that are making poor choices out of our control.  Deuteronomy 32:35 says that vengeance is God’s and He will repay, so I wash my hands of them!  I will not hold onto anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness because all that does is ail me.  I am so grateful that my husband is out of the company that he worked for, rid of the harassment that he endured.  No, it’s not the way we planned it to be and it’s uncomfortable now to be in an in-between time of jobs, but we are thanking God for His blessings, and trusting in His provision!  He IS the faithful God!! http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=16242 16242 Wed, 20 Oct 2010 12:40:26 +0000 In my younger years, I thought that I could be a singer.  Little did I know that I honestly really couldn’t sing.  My poor parents – they had to listen to me bust my lungs singing to the great Celine Dion with my door closed, thinking that would keep anyone from hearing.  Ha!  I joined the youth choir at the church we were at and got to go on a mission trip to Canada with them.  Before the trip, try-outs were held for the solo parts of certain songs.  There was this one song that I loved and thought I could sing it perfectly.  My sweet Dad even tried to help me sing it!  When the audition came, I felt like I sang it great.  Yet when the announcement was made about who got the solos, it wasn’t me.  I blamed it on the fact that of course they’d pick the most popular girl with the best voice instead of the nerdy kid who thought she could sing like Celine.  They did put me with the other few kids who didn’t get the solos but got to stand in front of the choir with a microphone and sing.  I’m pretty sure they turned my microphone off because I never could hear me in the monitors.  Rejection hurts, even if it’s substantiated with good reason.  I tell you this story because the song that I tried out for the solo with is played on KLRC and every time I hear it this little root of bitterness waves at me from within.  I think to myself, “So maybe I wasn’t the best singer, but if they only believed that I could be maybe they would’ve given me a shot, given me lessons, and eventually I would sing like a goddess!”  Sometimes all it takes is knowing that someone believes in you.  Maybe (and I do hope so) your ambitions are higher than getting a 20 second solo in a song for a youth choir mission trip.  For what it’s worth, I believe in you.  I have no doubt that you CAN accomplish anything.  You know why?  Because I believe in a powerful God who can make the impossible possible.  This is coming from a girl whose ambitions have grown to include changing the world.  I may never sing like Celine Dion, but I can utilize the talents that I do have to achieve my goal.  I may be rejected along the way by people who think this is way too far of a stretch for me, but you know what?  Maybe it’s not so much about other people believing in me as it is me believing in God to work through me.  Same with you.  No matter what your hopes and dreams are, believe in a God who promises to fulfill the desires of your heart as you grow in relationship with Him (Psalm 37:4). “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen.”  - Ephesians 3:20-21 http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=16037 16037 Wed, 13 Oct 2010 13:44:12 +0000 Ever felt like crying out to God, questioning why He's letting you go through a storm in your life? Sometimes our deepest most intimate moments with God are found in the storms. I needed to hear this message today. I hope it helps you, too.  http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=15419 15419 Wed, 29 Sep 2010 12:45:29 +0000  Have you ever done something that you regretted so much that you don?t want to admit it? Maybe you know that what you?ve done would so greatly disappoint someone else, and you know disappointing them would be difficult for you to handle. Rather than coming clean, you try to hide what you?ve done and go on as though it never happened. However, you want to keep as much innocence as you can at this point so if you are confronted with it you beat around the bush and twist your story ? that way you?re not admitting to anything, but you?re also not blatantly lying? right? I found a quote this morning by Henry Ward Beecher that said, ?Whatever is only almost true is quite false, and among the most dangerous of errors, because being so near truth, it is the more likely to lead astray.? Why is having to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth reserved for court? Why don?t we choose to make that our lifestyle? Honesty is the best policy, and it is also key to integrity! No one can have integrity without honesty ? FULL honesty. Jesus said in Matthew 5:37, ?Simply let your ?Yes? be ?Yes,? and you ?No,? ?No?; anything beyond this comes from the evil one? (NIV). Twisting the truth so that the full truth does not come out only make things worse because guess what ? the truth always comes out! You can?t hide from it. It is better to confront the truth and be open and honest with others, despite whether or not they will be disappointed, than to squirm away from the truth and stay in darkness. Walking in light means that everything is exposed, nothing can be hidden. 1 John 5-9 says, ?This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin? (NIV). For the sake of yourself and the others around you, I encourage you to walk in the light, be exposed even if it is uncomfortable, and be honest, completely honest, so that you may be known as someone with integrity. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=15118 15118 Wed, 22 Sep 2010 12:40:05 +0000 My life?s been? stressful these past couple of weeks. My husband and I flew up to Lewiston, Idaho, to visit my grandma and some other family for a week. What a great trip! During our three hour layover in Minneapolis on the way home, we find out that a job opening has come up that would be a great step closer to the career that my husband, Shawn, wants. Here?s the position we?re in right now ? Shawn works at the apartment complex we live at so we currently do not have to pay rent. Pretty sweet deal, right? Yeah, well we?re both SO ready to be out of ?The sweet Apartment life of Shawn and Kalynn? for many reasons. We?re thankful in the position we?re at, but we?re also keeping our focus forward so that Shawn can have the career he wants instead of just remaining doing what he has to do. If he changed jobs, we?d have to move because throwing away $525 on rent is not all that appealing when we could be investing in a house. So, we get home at around 2am after long layovers and plane rides, and immediately I begin the house search while Shawn begins to fill out the application for the job since the cut-off date for applying is the next day. This was Sunday. By Monday, we had a house picked out, Shawn had his application turned in, and I had my first interview for a 3rd job that I was really excited about and hoping for. By the following Friday we had found out that the house we wanted was purchased the night before we were going to make the offer, and the job that I was hoping for (but luckily not financially counting on) was given to someone else with more experience. Talk about 2 major disappointments in one week. At least we still had hope for Shawn?s job that he applied for, which we had still not heard about yet whether or not he got an interview. Well by the next week we found another house, an even better one that we?ve made on offer on and will begin the loan process for this week. Shawn had an interview for the job on Monday and we?ll hear next week if he gets to go through the next steps of the hiring process. That?s where I?m at right now. I?ve condensed it a bunch, but all that to say that I?ve lost a lot of sleep lately because I stress out about things very easily. For 2 ½ weeks now I?ve tossed and turned every night, dealt with headaches, and have been so drained that I feel like I?m to the point of just saying, ?Whatever.? Not necessarily a bad place to be because it?s when we realize we?re at the end of ourselves that God?s power is so much more obvious. I just wish I could get to that place, totally open handed to whatever God has to offer, before I lose loads of sleep and endure countless headaches. Trusting God isn?t something that I can just flip the switch for and when I really need Him to come through I can turn on my trust for Him. I say it this way because anytime I start to believe that I can do things on my own and that I can make good things happen is the moment when my trust in Him is turned off, even if it is subconscious. Yet we can?t just flip on our trust in God in order to find peace in Him because trusting God is more of a lifestyle than an on/off thing. You either trust God or you don?t. And to be honest with you, there?s always something keeping me from fully trusting God ? thinking I can do things on my own, or not fully believing that He?s going to work everything out for the best. When I can?t see His plans (which is always), I have a much more difficult time trusting Him (which I guess would be the starting point of trusting Him anyways ? not seeing what He?s doing). I grew up reciting Proverbs 3:5-6 (thank you, Awanas) which says, ?Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight? (NIV). It?s super easy to tell you that verse, but to actually have it resonate in my life to where I?m living it out ? now that?s a different story. Lean not on my own understanding?! But that?s all I?ve got!!! I?m not one of those people who willingly will wear a blindfold and let someone lead them around a maze. I?m the person that cheats and puts the blindfold on so that I can still see at least a little. With God, there?s no cheating, and that makes trusting Him so much harder when I can?t see ANYTHING! All I have to lean on is the fact that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants what?s best for me. That?s IT?! Yeah. No blueprint plan of the next few years?! Nope. Nothin?. Squat. Zilch. Nada. So here we go, taking steps and letting my faith in my Father grow, even as I struggle through every step. The peace that comes with resting in Him will come and the more my faith grows the more rest I will find in Him. I?ve just got to struggle through my own faults ? mainly not trusting Him ? which truly is a battle between the spirit and the flesh before coming to a point where I can look back and realize how much I?ve grown and how rested I feel in Him because of it. The good news is that I don?t fight myself by myself. My Father helps me in those battles, often laughing (in a loving way) I?m sure because I?m dragging my feet the whole way and He probably says, ?Oh Lynnie (because that?s what my grandparents call me and now that my grandpa is up there God?s probably gotten more used to this nickname of mine), if you let go of everything you?re holding onto, you?ll grow a lot faster and be able to see much quicker all the goodies I have in store for you!? I?m trying. I?m still moving. I?m persevering and continuing to grow closer to God, even when it feels like the heat is being turned up in my current circumstances and I feel as though I?m SO unwillingly being refined! Right now, I don?t really have a big conclusion to say, ?This is how it all worked out!? Not yet, at least. So today, this is me ? unfinished and seeing more and more of my own blemishes every day. At least I?m embracing the journey, right? Trying to learn all that I can through it so that I don?t have to take this same journey again! I guess for this post, that?s my conclusion ? embrace your journey, even when it?s hard. Grow in your faith and trust God so that you may find rest. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=14788 14788 Wed, 15 Sep 2010 14:12:06 +0000 A simple idea can change the world.  I found this video inspiring because it shows how much of an impact on the world one person's passion can be.  It started with a simple idea shared with some friends and has grown to change the lives of people all over the world.  Some people have the ideas, other people connect themselves to the ideas and help make them grow.  We're not put in this world to do nothing to change it - we're here to bring the Kingdom of God to the world!  That means change!!  What are your ideas?  Or what ideas do you get passionate about?  Be encouraged that no idea is too impossible, no passion is too weak to change the whole world! http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=14436 14436 Tue, 7 Sep 2010 11:51:55 +0000 I love this video.  What are your thoughts? http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=14027 14027 Fri, 20 Aug 2010 13:00:50 +0000 Are there areas of your life where you feel like it?s entirely out of your control?  Maybe there?s a situation you?re facing where you feel like no matter what you?ll come out on the other side bruised and beaten.  Maybe you?re about to enter into a new chapter of life and your fears are overwhelming your excitement.  Or maybe you already face a daily obstacle, whether it be a person or a thing, that almost always seems to take the best out of you.  There are many things in our lives that come up that makes us feel like we cannot overcome them ? homework loads, job situations, hurtful and critical people, financial difficulties, anything that you feel like is a struggle.  At church this last Sunday, the pastor spoke about a day in the life of Jehoshaphat from 2 Chronicles 20.  J-phat (my nickname for him since I don?t like having to think about how to spell it each time I write it) had people from 3 different tribes who decided to make war on him.  As they were marching along towards J-phat, someone came to inform him of the coming war and huge army.  J-phat prayed and also encouraged all the people in his kingdom of Judah to pray with him.  This was God?s answer to J-phat and the people spoken through a prophet:  ?Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God?s? (2 Chronicles 20:15b).  J-phat took his army and went to where he would meet the other armies marching towards him for battle, but instead of putting his greatest warriors in the front, he put men who continually sang praises to the Lord.  All of them watched as God set ambushes against the tribes who were coming to fight them and they were all defeated without a single person from Judah having to lift a sword.  There?s two things I want you to take from this:1.  The battle is not yours, but God?s.  No matter what it is that you are facing, no matter how challenging or fear-provoking it is, it?s not yours to fight and overcome but rather as you seek the Lord you can watch Him work and overcome those battles in you and for you.  If you are truly seeking the Lord, He fights for you.2.  Praise the Lord!  Praising God amidst your circumstances is your greatest weapon, so try it!  Thank Him for everything even if you don?t understand why you?re praising Him when you?re in such difficult times.  My friend told me a story that she read about Corrie Ten Boom, a holocaust survivor and devout Christian woman.  Corrie and her sister were made to live in flea-infested barracks with many more women than the barracks were made to hold.  However, Corrie?s sister told her that they needed to thank God for even the fleas.  They had smuggled a Bible in and over time began holding Bible studies with the other women in the barracks.  They were very scared about the German soldiers finding the Bible, since inspections of all the barracks were done often, but no German soldier ever entered their barracks.  After awhile of leading these Bible studies in this flea-infested place, thankful that no German soldier had inspected their barracks and found the Bible, they found out the reason why no German would step foot in their barracks ? the fleas.  It is because of the fleas that Corrie and her sister were able to keep and read a copy of the Bible and use it to encourage other women to know the Lord.  Even if it seems ridiculous, we are told in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, ?Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God?s will for you in Christ Jesus? (NIV).  In whatever circumstances you are in, worship God, thank Him even for the fleas, and always remember that the battle is not yours but His.  http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=13905 13905 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:53:25 +0000  Last week my husband, Shawn, and I found out about two possible ways that he could lose his job. Neither of these options have anything to do with him or his quality of work, but rather with the company he works for. If this had happened to us a year ago, talk about TOTAL stress-out moments!!! But at this point in our lives, I feel like we?ve already been there, done that. Shawn lost his job the week after we got home from our honeymoon, life seemed to slap us in the face a few times, and we well know the single digit bank balance quite well. Yet we?re still here, and life has been getting better. God?s never let us go and He has ALWAYS been faithful to provide all that we need. That doesn?t mean he saved us from very stressful days, weeks, months, but it does mean that since He is faithful we really had no reason to stress. The fact is, we quickly learned that it is not in our finances or our jobs that we find the foundation of our lives.  Our foundation is in the Lord and that can never be shaken. So no matter what comes out from under us, if we lose our jobs, if we lose our home, if we lose anything, we can still stand strong on the Rock (2nd Samuel 22:3 ? ?My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior ? from violent men you save me? [NIV]). The only reason why I can show you this perspective that I have is because I remember what God has done for me. When God brought the Israelites out of Egypt He continually told them to remember what He had done. Throughout the Bible God tells those He has brought out of difficulty to remember His faithfulness! The reason why is because by remembering what He has done, we have hope and assurance in what He will do ? He will never let us go and will always provide all that we need. We are never alone and we can never be shaken when we stand on God as our Rock and our foundation. Deuteronomy 7:9 says, ?Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands? (NIV). http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=13843 13843 Fri, 6 Aug 2010 12:03:03 +0000  What a Summer it has been? apparently everyone else is on the same boat as me and didn?t get to go to a Summer camp? either that or no one learned anything. Whatever the case, thanks for reading my blog; hope you?ve been having a great Summer. The only thing that?s really been different for me this Summer as opposed to the other seasons is that it was just hotter ? I still have worked everyday, I?ve still gotten behind on keeping my home clean and uncluttered, and I?ve still looked forward to my one day off a week (Sunday) for extra sleep and recuperation from the week prior and preparation for the week to come. Summer is no longer a vacation? just a season.However, this Summer has marked my 23rd birthday! That?s my favorite part about Summer, I think. Although I had to work all day long on my birthday (even though it was a Saturday), a friend that I worked with made it extra special by bringing breakfast, cupcakes with plastic flower rings on top, and a birthday girl button for me to wear. People really do make the place. They make the season, the event, the day, whatever. It?s other people that really have a major influence on your enjoyment of something. On top of that, it?s other people that really have the most influence on you in general. That also means that you have great influence on the people that you are around as well. We are drawn to people, and people are drawn to us. Some draw a larger amount of people than others, but all the same people are drawn to people. No man is an island, right?So let me ask you this: according to the kind of influence that you have on others and the impact you?ve made on people?s lives, who would be at your funeral and what would be preached there?My grandfather, whom his grandchildren fondly called Bapa, passed away on July 20th, just last week. He was diagnosed with leukemia earlier this year, and while the transfusions and chemotherapy helped some to keep him with us, he was taken to the hospital and battled pneumonia until his death a couple days later. It was very sudden and obviously hard on all of us. My husband and I had a trip already planned and paid for to fly up and spend a week with my grandparents; now it will just be with my grandma (who I?m still very excited to spend time with, it?s just hard when reality keeps hitting in waves). I was able to fly up there (to Idaho) for the funeral and spend the weekend with my family. What wonderful memories we all shared of my Bapa.One of the things that was said at the funeral really stuck out to me (besides my name being written as Kalynn [which is correct] but read as Kara? slightly different). The pastor said that our lives preach our funerals, and my Bapa's life preached quite the sermon of transformation solely due to the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and relationship with his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. When we found out that Bapa was in the hospital and that if he didn?t get better from the pneumonia in 24 hours then he may have mere days left (which he ended up passing away before the 24 hour mark), it was as though he was given his death sentence. He was given a roughly estimated time frame for the rest of his life.  See, Bapa had cancer. Inevitably he was going to die, whether it be from the pneumonia that ended up taking him or from his battle of cancer that could?ve lasted maybe another year. Every day was lived as if it was his last, but see even before he found out about the cancer, for years he?s been living every day to the fullest. Every conversation that I have ever had with him, every conversation that anyone from our family had with him for that matter ended with ?I love you.? Both of my grandparents have been such a huge part of my life because they made the people they love their priority. They never got caught up in anything the world has to offer at the cost of making it more important than the people they love. My Bapa seemed like he was never in a hurry for anything and he?d sit and talk with you for however long you want. He already lived everyday to the fullest, but in a way he was blessed to be given a time frame for his death so that in his last weeks he could make sure and be at peace that my grandma would be taken care of. All of us were lucky to know the time frame so that we could make sure to never ever forget to tell him we love him and cherish every last moment we shared with him because he was going to die.But here?s the kicker - we?re all dying. I?m going to die. You?re going to die. The only difference is that we don?t have an estimated time frame at hand. I don?t think our own mortality sinks in very much until someone very close to us passes away. We let ourselves get distracted by this world ? the material things, the frivolous conversations, the meaningless arguments, or the perceptions that others have of us. We get carried away by focusing on what we want out of this world rather than why we?re on it in the first place. If you were given a time frame for your death, would you live differently??Summing it all up, friends, I?d say you?ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious ? the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies? (Philippians 4:8-9, The Message). http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=13715 13715 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 14:34:42 +0000  Ya know what I miss very much? Summer camp. I went to my church?s summer camp ever since I can remember back in Junior High. Even while I was in college I went back as a counselor for a couple years. Man oh man, I miss camp so much. It?s such a fantastic environment full of fun and Jesus. Every morning while driving to work this week I?ve seen a summer camp going on at the JBU campus. I see the shorts and tie dye t-shirts, the bandanas, the nalgenes, ponytails, fun games, small groups meeting in a circle on some empty lawn or building steps, so many things that come along with summer camp! I miss getting to hear a great speaker throughout the whole week, I miss having assigned quiet times with a guide to walk me through it, and I miss having a small group to meet with every day to talk about what I?m learning and hear from others about what they?re learning. I miss the great worship bands, vespers, cafeteria food with friends, games that get me soaking wet, bus rides, the camp t-shirt, camp-wide photo, etc. I really hope that someday when I have kids and they?re old enough to go to camp that I?ll get to go with them just because I like to go to camp, too!I know that when we go to camp, we come home and are stoked about all that we learned. We?re excited about new commitments, rededications, or receiving salvation, and our hope is to continue growing in the Lord from that point on and not slip back a step or two. When we come home from camp, we?re more likely to be raising our hands during worship at church and really listen to what the pastor has to say. There?s a lot of things I could say about how easily we slip and go backwards once we get home from camp, but if you?ve ever had a great camp experience in years past, then you already know first-hand in what ways you slip up and give up what you learned at camp or the commitments you made. We all make mistakes and that?s part of real life; as my dear friend, Kim, says, ?Welcome to being a Christian!? I could try to give you even more motivation to continue to hold on to what you?ve learned, but instead I?d like to do something a bit different. I?d like you to share what you?ve learned. I want to know for myself the things that you have gotten the opportunity to learn at summer camp. Leave me a comment and tell me, or if you haven?t gone yet then comment after you?ve gone! Teaching others the things we?ve learned keeps us accountable to living what we are teaching, so don?t JUST share it with me, but share it with other people you come across this summer! Everyone, including myself, could always use an encouraging message! http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=13211 13211 Wed, 23 Jun 2010 13:57:23 +0000  Yesterday was a significant day. I learned just how much faith I truly have in God in even the small things. I was on my way home to bring lunch to my husband and went through the McDonalds Drive-Thru. Before I got to the first window to pay, I kept getting this gnawing feeling to pay for the people behind me. I glanced back and saw that there were two people in the car, a guy and a girl. I figured they are probably getting lunch since it is around lunchtime, but I don?t know how much the total of their bill is. What if they?re buying lunch for other people, too? I kept staring at them in my rearview mirror (but I had sunglasses on so they couldn?t tell I was staring!) and this feeling to pay for them kept arguing with me. If their bill is pretty high (which, by the way, it is McDonalds, how high could it be?), that may make our grocery budget a bit tighter. I don?t have money to just throw away just to pay for someone?s lunch. However this feeling kept getting stronger and stronger. When I pulled up to the window, I handed the lady my debit card and I wish with all my heart that I could tell you that I told her to charge the bill of the people behind me on my card as well. Instead, I gave her my card and took it back when she handed me my receipt and I kept my mouth shut. I pulled up to the second window to get my food, but I kept an eye on the people behind me. They leaned out their window to pay and handed the lady a bunch of change, some of which dropped. Talk about a very intense feeling of failure sink in to my gut. I felt so terrible that I didn?t trust God enough over a matter of a possible $15 at most and obey Him. Instead I decided to play it safe and not risk my perceived comfort. I don?t even know the magnitude to how God could?ve used that small act of kindness. I could?ve changed someone?s whole life! What if they had been going through some really difficult financial times and a burger off of the dollar menu was all they could afford for their whole family with pennies and they prayed that if God would show them that He is real in even a small way then they would renew their faith in Him. It could?ve been me that showed them God?s love and made that difference in their lives. Now, likely, it was not a situation that extreme, but even the smallest act of kindness really can have an impact on someone?s day, and I could?ve done that for someone. But I didn?t. I completely failed at being the hands and feet of Christ in even the smallest way, obeying the Lord at any cost. Here I am, writing on my blog about how I want to change the world for God and how important it is to obey Him in the small things, and I fail at such a menial task!! I am STILL so mad at myself! Let me tell you, I had a long prayer of confession after that incident. Our actions reveal the state of our heart, and apparently I am not really trusting God even a little! How in the world will I see God working in my life if I don?t obey the things that He is leading me to do? Much less, what if my circumstances change for the worst, would I be able to trust Him and stand strong in my faith? In Luke 6:46-49 Jesus says, ?Why do you call me, ?Lord, Lord,? and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well build. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete? (NIV). My desire is to be like the one whose foundation is in the Lord so that nothing can shake me, even the smallest drizzle of rain, yet my actions show you that I?m not there yet. I?ve said it before in one way or another ? growing in our faith in the Lord is a journey, so I invite you to join me. Maybe you?re further ahead, or maybe you?re like me feeling left behind because your lack of faith is getting in the way of your journeying. No matter the case, I want to leave you with one of my favorite verses found in Philippians 3:12-14. Paul says, ?Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the price for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus? (NIV). http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=13118 13118 Wed, 16 Jun 2010 12:42:17 +0000  I?m going to be honest with you, as I always am: I don?t really like being an adult. Instead of getting grounded for a week if I don?t do what my parents say, as an adult I could get fired if I don?t do what my boss says. Sure, I have a few paychecks that come in each month, but instead of spending it on things I want, I have to use all of it to buy food, pay bills, and?. Well yeah, that?s pretty much it. Then by the time those things are paid for, there?s nothing left to go buy clothes, CD?s, or whatever else teens are buying these days. I don?t get a Summer break, Fall break, Christmas break or Spring break. Every day of every week (except for Sundays, because thanks to my second job that I have to have to help pay the bills I work all day on Saturdays, too) throughout the whole year I have to get up, get ready for the day, go to work all day (whether it be at one or two jobs), and come home. And guess what! My dinner isn?t ready sitting on the table for me! I actually have to make it. And then when I?m done cooking and eating, guess who has to do the dishes, catch up on laundry, take the dogs out, feed the cat, and straighten up the house! Me. Having my license and my own car isn?t such an awesome thing either ? I have to pay for every car payment, insurance, property tax, gas, oil changes, full inspections, and any other replacements necessary. Guess where that money comes from ? working two jobs myself and my husband working full-time at his job just to be able to pay for things like the car and every other adult necessity in this day and age. Doctor bills, taxes, vehicle registration, groceries (other than ramen noodles because you have to be responsible enough as an adult to have a nutritious diet), rent, insurance (health, dental, vision, vehicle and any other kind you can afford), haircuts, car tires, gas, utility bills, stamps to mail your bills, envelopes to send them in, presents for friends, school bills (if you went to college), phone bills, cell phones, furniture, laundry detergent, dry cleaning, clothing, new glasses or contacts if needed, cable and internet, toilet paper, credit cards? those are just the basics to live in the world we?re in these days. Talk about overwhelming stress day in and day out, most especially on the days that you have to pay for these things and you hope and pray that you?ll have enough money to make it to the end of the month before another month comes with all the bills needing to be paid yet again! All that to say, you don?t fully realize everything you have until you experience the impact of when it?s all gone.As I?m sitting here eating my chicken flavored ramen noodles (what can I say? I can?t afford nutrition this month), I?m thinking about how good I had it as a kid, as a teen, and as a college student, yet how stressed I was back then. Things that seemed like such HUGE deals back then are like nothing to me now. Would I want to relive those things ? being forced to share my toys, being made fun of by mean kids, peer pressure as a teen, being the outcast and having no friends, or staying up until early morning hours doing homework and writing papers? Of course not. But since I?ve been out of those sorts of stressors, those kinds of things seem so much smaller than the stresses I have now. However, back then they were a big deal to me, and I was really moved either emotionally, physically or mentally by those stressors. It?s the times that I let those stressors get the best of me, consuming my thoughts and directing my actions, that I regret the most because it blinded me to see the blessings that were in my life in those times. When I was a kid, I thought that being a kid was the hardest thing in the world. When I was a teen, I thought that being a teen was the hardest thing in the world. When I was a college student, ? well you get it. As a somewhat new adult at the age of 22, I think right now that being in the new stages of adulthood is the hardest thing in the world, but it?s not. It?s just another stage in life where my stressors are different than they were before and I?m becoming overwhelmed by them. I?m not able to clearly see the blessings I have in my life. With the long opening paragraph to this blog you?re probably saying, ?THERE IS NO BLESSING IN ADULTHOOD!!? Well, yeah, today I can agree with you because that?s how I?m feeling (can I get an ?Amen sister? for being stressed by seeing the single digit account balance in the bank?). However, look beyond those stressful things (whatever they are for you) with me and find hope! The more I have life-altering decisions to make, the more I experience the faithfulness of the Lord to guide me in choosing the right decisions. At least for me, growing up I did not have very many life-altering decisions to make, and without them my faith did not grow as much as it has in the past year. I have two jobs, and I?m blessed to have them because despite the fact that all the money I make goes towards paying the bills, I am able to pay them because of the work that I do. I don?t have to ask my parents? permission to go where I want, hang out with who I want, and stay out for as long as I want. I am in control of my own life, and therefore am learning the responsibility of making good choices, and the consequences if I make bad ones. More than anything, I?ve realized as an adult, which I don?t think has to take this long to realize but for me it did, how much my faith in God is my own and I?m not depending on my parents? faith to save me. It?s a life choice that I have had to choose to live out on my own in my independence, and through that choice I have seen such abundant blessings from the Lord. Not necessarily a million dollars, but provision. Not a Corvette convertible, but a safe and reliable car as a form of transportation. Not gigantic feasts, but food on the table. Though my stressors are different now than they were 5 or 10 years ago, God continues to faithfully provide all that I need, but it?s not until now that I see it more clearly for being a work of God than simply my parents giving me the things I want. I want to be clear here to say that I am not claiming that the stressors in my life now are bigger than anyone else?s stressors. In God?s eyes, everything is small. It?s just that these are the things that are stressing me out now, which gives me a warped perspective as to how big of a deal they really are. Psalm 55:22 says, ?Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall? (NIV). It doesn?t say to cast the important things on God, it says to cast your cares and guess what! I care about seemingly small things, too, and so I encourage you as I?m speaking to myself at the same time to cast all your cares on the Lord because since everything is small to Him, whether it?s big or small to us, there?s nothing He can?t handle or will think less of than anything else. If you let the stressors in your life consume you, your whole perspective on life will be warped by the things that are a big deal to you but not so much in the grand scheme of things. Ask God to give you eyes to see and faith in Him to sustain you, no matter your age or stage in life. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=13004 13004 Wed, 9 Jun 2010 13:19:10 +0000 Even the demons believe in GodMy husband, Shawn, and I went camping for Memorial Day. We were hoping to be in the little camping area by ourselves but we ended up having some neighbors about 10 feet away. As they were setting up their stuff, it was very obvious that they were ignoring our very presence ? they made no eye contact, never said hello, nothing. Now in normal life that might be common that you are in an area with other people you don?t know and you don?t say anything, but when you?re camping it?s different. Everyone somehow seems friendlier and more hospitable, or at the very least says hello if their setting up their tent right next to yours. Well these people did not, and as soon as their friends came they made it clear that they didn?t want to camp by ?other people? (meaning us) but this was the only available spot. This whole time, Shawn and I are sitting there eavesdropping on their conversations and while some of them were walking to their car to get more stuff one girl said, ?Oh no! I think I left that at church this morning!? You know what I thought? I?m being completely honest with you, this is the thought that went through my head and I?m not lying at all. ?Oh great, they?re Christians,? then add a disgusted eye-roll and you?ve got my thinking down. I was really confused by my own thought!!! I?m a Christian and I?m looking down on my own family?! It may be because I?ve been burned in the past by Christians, church-goers, and those who say with their mouth that they believe in God. They?re attitudes toward us could?ve fed that hint of bitterness as well, but when they spoke about going to church I for some reason inside of me felt disgusted. Once they were set up and talking around the campfire, Shawn leaned over to me and said, ?I figured out what kind of Christians they are ? they?re the kind that say they go to church but that?s all there is to it.? Their conversation around the campfire first began by one guy saying that he doesn?t worry about the Scripture he doesn?t know, only that which he does (which I guess means that he doesn?t know that ALL of Scripture is God-breathed [2 Timothy 3:16] and if he really sought to know the Lord than he wouldn?t toss out most of Scripture as though it?s an outdated newspaper). Their conversation turned to joking and making fun of people they fired, as if someone else?s hardship is their pleasure. After that, they got on to some inappropriate sexual topics and the whole time Shawn and I listened (we couldn?t really help but to hear them talk so loudly) thinking to ourselves what exactly going to church actually does to them. Here?s the deal, they?ll say they go to church, they?ll maybe wear a Christian t-shirt, but when it actually comes to living like Christ that?s where it stops. This is very common in the Christian culture today. Going to church makes you feel better about yourself, as if you?re a step above the rest and if you say that you don?t feel that way then you?re either on the right track or you?re lying to yourself. Let me tell you, going to church is one of the simplest things in the world, but what about bringing Christ into your school, your classes, or your group of friends? You can go to church on Wednesday night or Sunday morning and then the very next day go smoke some pot, get drunk with your friends, have sex, gossip about others, and the list goes on. Putting on a face for your parents, your pastors, your friend?s parents, or anyone else is easy, and going to church religiously is one of the greatest ways to do it because people assume that if you go to church you?re a good person. But just because you?re in a building doesn?t change anything about who you really are. I can stand in a garage all I want but that doesn?t make me a car. I can even go ?vroom vroom!? and ?honk honk!? but that doesn?t do a single thing to change the fact that I?m really not a car. It seems like these days being a ?Christian? means that you go to church and say you believe in God. James 2:19 says, ?You say that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that ? and shudder? (NIV). It?s James? whole point ? you can say whatever you want, you can even believe whatever you want, but if your actions do not coincide with your belief then it means nothing. When did being a Christian become popular rather than dangerous? People used to get sent to the arenas in Rome to be eaten by lions for the mere pleasure of the Roman mobs simply because it was found out that they are a Christian. It seems as though Christianity has lost its luster and no longer reflects the glory of God but rather gets slapped on like a nametag that proclaims the title of ?Executive? rather than ?normal average labor worker?. In following our natural instincts, we want to look better than everyone else, so going to church helps us climb that ladder of betterness. For the sake of your soul please hear me, the call of Christ goes so much deeper than going to church and saying you?re a Christian. Jesus is not very kind and understanding to those who say they are Christians but live for themselves. He said in Matthew 7:21-23, ?Not everyone who says to me, ?Lord, Lord,? will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ?Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?? Then I will tell them plainly, ?I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!?? You either follow Christ or you don?t, and He either knows you or He doesn?t, but on that day of judgment I can guarantee you that He will not say, ?I understand that it was difficult amidst the peer pressure to follow me so I?ll cut ya some slack!? Matthew 7:13-14 says, ?Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it? (NIV). Taking up the cross of Christ as we are called to do (Mark 8:34) is more than going to church and saying that you?re a Christian. It?s actually walking as Jesus walked, following what Jesus said. There?s no middle road here, you are either on the broad road or the narrow one. Which one do you choose? Live in such a way that your lifestyle proclaims without a doubt the road you?re on. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=12893 12893 Wed, 2 Jun 2010 12:29:30 +0000  If You say go, we will goIf You say wait, we will waitIf You say step out on the waterAnd they say it can't be doneWe'll fix our eyes on You and we will come Those are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, and often the prayer of my heart. I?m not a huge fan at first when God brings some change in my life. I can easily get pretty comfortable where I?m at when it?s a good place, and when God says ?Okay, let?s go,? I say ?Eh?? are you sure?? He says ?Yes? and I say, ?Like?.. really really sure?? and the conversation just continues like that until finally my heart surrenders and says ?I trust you enough to follow your leading and walk where I can?t see for myself.? It?s a scary and exciting place to be. It?s scary because I?m someone who likes to have everything figured out and I don?t want to make a move unless I know for sure what?s going to happen. It?s exciting because any time in the past when God has called me to follow Him, He has provided and brought me more than I could even imagine in the beginning.I?ve been hosting Jesus Freaks on Saturday nights on KLRC (and MPE) for nearly 5 years. My husband joined me on the show 2 years ago. It has been a huge part of our lives, but God has now called us to pass it on, and has called me in my job to step out into unseen territory. Jesus Freaks has been a huge part of my job at KLRC for years, and my sadness from passing it on not only came from giving up a great ministry that I have been passionate about, but also giving up the main thing that I have felt a sort of control over in my job. I felt as though if I gave up Jesus Freaks, I would be left with nothing that I feel is my own that I can be passionate about and that matters.Although it was a very difficult discussion to approach on my part because it caused me to lay my desires at the feet of Jesus and trust that He knows them and will fulfill them, I presented the possibility to my bosses. God had very heavily laid a certain MPE DJ on my heart last Fall, and He continued to reveal why this guy would be such a perfect match. So I brought up the idea to my bosses, and instead of simply giving up something with nothing to replace it, my bosses provided me with an incredible opportunity that opens up many doors to helping change the world here in NWA and beyond. In the depths of my heart and soul, my burning passion is to change the world ? the whole world. Jesus Freaks has been an incredible ministry that I have been absolutely honored to be in charge of for the last 5 years, but it is now time to pass the baton to an incredible person that will continue the growth of that ministry as I continue to follow where God is leading me.God often provides us with incredible ministry opportunities, and if He takes it away or decides for you to move on, it is better to follow Him because of what He has in store both for you and for the ministry you were a part of. He?s just taking both in different directions. I gave Jesus Freaks all I had to offer, continually shared my heart with listeners and brought years-worth of Christian rock music that connects with the soul. I know that with the new host, Jesus Freaks will continue to be a wonderful ministry to youth and young adults all over NWA and surrounding parts. I?m also excited to see and share with you the places God takes me as I follow His direction. I?m still here at KLRC and MPE, and I?m not leaving unless a great lightening strikes from the sky and God says ?LEAVE KLRC AND MPE, KALYNN!!!!!!!? My job is just going to look a little different than what it has been and I?m really excited about it!! There will be many stories to share, many God-moments to encourage you as I share with you my journey. But I wanted to tell you all of this to encourage you to follow God?s leading, even if you can?t see where He?s leading you to, and even if that means He is calling you to give up something that has been a big part of your life, heart and/or ministry. God is sovereign and He knows what He?s doing, so trust Him in that His ways are higher than ours, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. There is nothing that God will call you to give up without replacing you with even more. Remember the blog about the talents and how God gives us responsibilities and opportunities and the more we take those then the more He?ll give us? If God is calling you to give something up that He gave you in the first place ? a ministry, a job, an opportunity to change the world ? it?s because you have fulfilled your purpose there and He?s calling you to more. If He says go, just go. If He says wait, then wait. But if He calls you to step out on the water regardless of a possible storm, and others tell you that it?s impossible or too big to fathom, keep your eyes on what He is calling you to do and follow Him. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=12807 12807 Wed, 26 May 2010 11:56:32 +0000  This one?s short today, but I think sometimes all we need is a quick reminder. I want to tell you that no matter how your day, week, month, even year is going, God?s love for you has never changed. Maybe there?s a bad habit you?re struggling with and only continue to fail in overcoming. Maybe you haven?t spent time with God in awhile and feel far from Him. Maybe there is something from your past that you just can?t shake and it?s greatly burdening you with guilt and shame. Maybe you haven?t even done anything but you for some reason feel as though you?re just in a desert spiritually. I want to remind you of this, and I encourage you to let it sink in, repeat it throughout the day, remember these words:?For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord? (Romans 8:38-39, NIV).God loves you desperately, so much so that He gave up His Son on your behalf, and there?s nothing you can do about it. Deal with it, and let that love change your life. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=12719 12719 Wed, 19 May 2010 10:35:44 +0000  Not My Will But HisThis last weekend, my husband went to Houston, TX to help his brother build a fence and he rode his brother?s motorcycle all the way back to Siloam Springs, AR. Talk about a worried sick wife. On top of the lonely part of him being gone, which was at least bearable with the company of my dogs and cat, the fact that he was riding a motorcycle from Houston to Siloam Springs, 578 miles, with weather predictions having strong thunderstorms was extremely worrisome for me. I?m a worry wart, and so when the life of the dearest person to me is in possible danger, I?m terrified for him and myself because I can?t live without him. A friend taught me recently that there?s really no reason to waste energy worrying about something you can?t control, and that has helped for certain things that aren?t very important. But this is the life of my husband, the life of my life. There was nothing I could do to switch off my worry, so I prayed.My husband began his trip on Sunday afternoon and stopped in Marshall, TX for the night. On Monday morning, the weather showed to be rainy the whole rest of his trip. These statistics stand true in clear blue skies:-          5,000 fatal motorcycle crashes took place in 2006-          Motorcycle operators in the 20-29 age group had the largest percentage of fatal crashesThen add rain which produces slippery roads which cause all the more reason for heightened stress and worry. As I was praying for the safety of my husband, the phrase kept coming to mind, ?Not my will but Yours be done.? Yeah right. I don?t know what God?s will is, and it could be to take my husband away so heck no I?m not going to say that! As long as His will is my will to keep my husband safe and get him home in one piece, then I?ll be more than happy to pray that, but when I don?t know His will and it involves the one person in the world closest to my heart, I can?t bring myself to even nearly 100% say ?Your will, Lord, not mine.? In all reality, I have no control over the situation in the first place, but in my heart I was not handing it over to the Lord. Here?s the deal, God is in control of everything whether or not I choose to admit that, and this situation was not something that I had to put in His hands because it was already there. What God was drawing me to do was to trust Him ? trust Him that He is control and I am not, and more than anything trust Him that He loves me so desperately and will not allow anything to happen beyond what I can bear because that is what He has promised. God reminded me of the passage in Matthew 6 which talks about worry. In verse 26 it says, ?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?? Whether or not I care to acknowledge it all the time, God is looking out for me and my well being, as well as doing the same for my husband. Does that mean He?ll never let anything bad happen to either of us? No, it doesn?t. It just means that He is an unchanging God that fulfills His promises, and that everything that does happen, whether it is a terrible experience or a wonderful homecoming, it happens for His glory and His good. His plan for each of us is that we prosper, having a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), but sometimes that comes with very difficult moments of forced growth due to terrible experiences. In moments when I come to the realization how much out of my control the people who are closest to me are, God simply says, ?Do you trust me??It is not wrong to pray for the safety of a loved one, or even pray that nothing bad happens to them and that it not be their time to die. We don?t know God?s ultimate will, but even Jesus, who knew the will of God, prayed that the cup be passed from Him in regards to His death and sacrifice (Matthew 26:39). However, His prayer ended by saying, ?Not my will but Yours be done.? Are you able to say that? Are you able to truly trust the Lord, despite the unknown plan He has, and say that His will be done because His will is good and perfect, even if it brings a great time of grief? Worrying about things does not get you anywhere, and it causes the complete opposite effect of peace that surpasses all understanding. My dear friends, do not let yourselves be anxious about anything, no matter how dear to your heart, but rather with thanksgiving to God for He is good, present your requests to Him (Philippians 4:6) and trust Him as your loving Father in Heaven that He will care for you and that nothing happens that is out of His control or purposeful plan.My husband came home whole and in one piece, and God even answered my prayers on Monday and parted the clouds as He did the Red Sea so that my husband could come all the way home on dry ground. This experience really pushed me to see how much I really trust the Lord, and I?ve got to tell you that when it comes to my husband, I?m not fully there yet. But as I grow in my relationship with my Father, and as I mature to become more and more like the Son, may the words from my mouth someday fully express my heart that willingly says, ?Not my will but Yours be done.? May you join me on this journey of surrender.   http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=12592 12592 Wed, 12 May 2010 11:34:41 +0000 Getting the Necessary HelpI went to a Chiropractor for the first time yesterday and found out that my back really is as messed up as I thought. In fact, it?s a bit worse than I thought. When they scan your back, there?s some technical thing that can tell how strained your muscles are keeping your nerves on your spine from working right. There will be a picture of a spin and a bunch of colored lines sticking out from top to bottom on each side to show you which parts are functioning abnormally. White means that part of your back is functioning normally, green means mildly abnormal, blue means moderate abnormal, red means severely abnormal, and black? well that?s just off the charts. So I have a black area on my neck and one on my lower back.  Then the rest is red, with maybe two or three green and blue areas. The doctor looked at my chart and said, ?Well I can tell you one thing, you?re in the right place.?It?s amazing how many kinds of doctors there are. If you have a problem with your back, you go to a chiropractor. If you have a problem with your mind or emotions, you go to a psychiatrist. If you have problems with your eyes, you go to an optometrist. If you have a problem with your teeth, you go to a dentist. If you have a problem with your feet, you go to a pediatrician?. Wait, just kidding (they are actually called podiatrists? but then why don?t the call pedicures podicures?). But seriously, there are a lot of different kinds of doctors. When you have any sort of problem, there is a doctor who specializes in fixing that specific problem. I?m not a person who goes to the doctor when I can help it. If I?m very sick, more often than not I just wait it out. But if I have a serious problem that won?t get better without going to a doctor to give me what I need to fix it, then I?ll go to a doctor! That?s why I have contacts because I can?t see well so the doctor gave me what I needed to fix that problem. That?s why I went to the Chiropractor because my back is in such a pain that I can?t fix by twisting, popping, or rubbing. That?s why I have fillings because I?ve gone to the dentist when I had cavities so that he could fix it.   Can you imagine if I had these problems but never went to the right kind of doctor to fix them and I just kept trying to fix them myself? What if I told my chiropractor that I?d rather not have her adjust my back because I?d rather try to fix it myself first so that she doesn?t see the real condition it?s in?God?s specialty is fixing our souls. It?s interesting how long we?ll often wait to go to Him when we need help. It?s very common to try to fix ourselves before going to God, but I don?t know why we do that. It?s as if the shame of our condition gets in the way of us coming to Him just as we are. In Matthew 11:28-29 Jesus says, ?Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls? (NIV). It?s exhausting trying to fix ourselves, isn?t it? In fact, it?s discouraging because we often learn the hard way that there is nothing we can do in ourselves to make us whole again. God is the only one who can fix our souls, making us whole and white as snow, and just like we would go to a doctor to get something fixed before trying ourselves, we need to do the same thing with God. If you?ve been holding off on going to Him, don?t. Don?t wait until you feel better about the condition of your soul, because the longer you wait the worse you?ll always feel about it. http://www.mypositiveedge.com/index.cfm?i=6620&mid=25&blogid=1505&comments=12455 12455 Wed, 5 May 2010 11:14:29 +0000